Following this post where I was accused of being a devil's child, I have seen the light and changed my ways. Here to prove it is my first sermon. Thank you.
My dear brothers and sisters, let us today examine the issue of good morals and how we can maintain them for a good rewarding life:
~ Morals need rest. Ensure yours get at least 7 hours sleep every night.
~ Good morals thrive in a loving environment. Do try and have passionate ravenous sex every night with your spouse or partner even if they are not in the mood. Single people are allowed to visit local brothels to this end.
~ Children learn from what they see. Keep the likes of MTV viewing in your household to an absolute minimum and definitely never after 1am on school nights to avoid contamination of morals. Remember to keep your stash of hardcore porn locked away.
~ Exercise is crucial for good moral life. It is recommended that you exercise yours frequently by engaging in arguments whenever morals are discussed. It’s the one time you are permitted to punch someone in the face.
~ Beware of imitation morals or those sold by hawkers. Only purchase yours from a licensed vendor and keep all receipts as any refunds or servicing will only be on production of a valid receipt. Imitation morals tend to break down more frequently.
~ Trying out of morals before you buy is forbidden.
~ Healthy morals for men need a balanced sexual diet. Ensure the wife understands this. If she doesn’t get it, try knocking her around the head now and then. But do it lovingly. It may be she has loose morals something a firm hand will tighten. It’s the second time you are permitted to raise your hand.
~ Women’s morals will take whatever they are given; no need for variety.
~ You may need to upgrade your morals in the future. This can only be done from your priest. Do whatever he/she asks including offering money or sex to move up the moral hierarchy.
~ It is immoral to charge your morals to the bank for a loan.
There ends this teaching.