Saturday, May 16, 2009


My cousin Jim and his American wife Rhonda who live in Chicago came visiting this week. We are still recovering from the effects.

Jim and I are age mates and I really miss him ever since his family emigrated over 12 years ago. We keep in touch irregularly so it was wonderful to hear that he was coming over with his wife Rhonda whom I had never met. Little did I know that our house would be turned into party-central during their visit.

Jim and leggy-redhead Rhonda who I learn is expecting their first child in 6 months’ time love to have a good ol’ time. We didn’t hit it off initially with Rhonda especially when I spotted her licking her lips when I introduced them both to George. Then she started grating on me, rubbing husband’s palm over an invisible bump, ‘we having me a lil Obama!’ I felt sick as a parrot but not as sick as when she kept saying 'awesome' to everything around her. Both are unemployed, Jim having recently lost his job in the auto industry. They are using savings to travel before he has to find a new job. I hear you, it’s exactly what you do when there’s a baby on the way. Not awesome.

During the day while we were at work they had awesome Imelda waiting on them hand and foot making snacks and refreshments and arranging cabs to the shopping malls. I marvelled at their nonchalance towards Imelda my loyal friend and housekeeper, ‘don’t you know how to mix a martini, darling?’ They'd carted over gifts of Hershey’s bars, a coffee mug from the Windy City and a bottle of duty-free Johnnie Walker Green which they drained with the help of George. I suppose that made it all ok. Awesome.

Jim and Rhonda had the downstairs ensuite guest room which is useful because George and I are able to keep our sleeping arrangements upstairs private. Being good hosts, we dutifully spent late nights listening to spicy anecdotes co-narrated by our guesting duo well into the nights. It’s useful to learn that cousin Jim likes the feel of a firm leather strap to his buttocks now and then. And Rhonda insisted on playing over and over and over again that ella, ella under my umbrella, I started to have sinister thoughts that there might be more to the Chris Brown saga.

Anyway, we kept the safe-haven door at the top of the stairs locked just in case our guests went a-wandering. It was just as well because on Wednesday Rhonda had too much to drink, boiled as an old owl, and became disoriented when she woke up in the middle of the night. That’s when she peed an acrid bladder-full on the staircase landing. I heard the sound of running water and assumed it was the rain beating outside. God bless my Angel Imelda, she mopped up the puddle before we got up which made me madder when I found out.

Yesterday morning I dropped them off outside Longonot Place to board the tour truck to Laikipia for the second leg of their holiday. Later I laughed as Imelda told me how she got her own back; she’d packed Rhonda’s unlaundered clothing neatly back into their luggage. Ten days camping with no clean knickers…mmm…ella, ella, ella eh eh eh. As I waved them away mi casa su casa, see you soon, I thought we need a holiday ourselves before their return in two weeks.


  1. Well, perhaps there will be some madness in the provinces that will capture their interest...btw, what´s she drinking alcohol for with little Barack on the way? Is she NUTS or just not quite up to awesome and drinking over it?

  2. Hi Leonardo,

    My sentiments exactly. I hope little Barack likes his cigarettes too - both smoke like a chimney! Have a lovely weekend (with JC). xx x

  3. Let alone the fact she is drinking and expectant, how on God's green earth are they using their savings on travel with child on the way and unemployment clawing on their backs. Or maybe am not such a risk taker? hmmm...

  4. Hi Naughty feeling,

    I did ask them about that, apparently it was now or five years down the line for them to do the safari thing now that they're having the baby. I'll have a chat about the booze and fags on their return, though I'm loath to appear controlling. xx

  5. They may not be able to stop the cigs and sounds like they are fairly well insistant upon their may take something truly upsetting...often does.

    Sorry to sound so unpleasant, but that´s the deal...unless, of course, this is periodic vacation behavior...lot´s of folks raise Hell when they get-away from everyday reality.

  6. All I can say is you are a better person than I am. If someone disprespects my house like that, I would not be having them back..:)

  7. Hi floatilla,

    That was my initial reaction, can't follow it through because I'd be tortured what-if I never see my cousin again, stuff like that. So I take the easy option and just let it pass. Have a great week. xx x

  8. Hey Tamaku,

    There is something seriously wrong, despite the baby on the way and all if they drink and smoke that much and he is jobless how will they even afford to keep up the habits? someone needs a heart to heart with those two. A professional counselor for that matter. Have fun when they get back :(

  9. Rhonda amekosa adabu. My goodness! How unbelievably convoluted the priorities though (and making such bad choices for the little one)... Pole sana Uncle Tamaku.

  10. We are all different,yet members of the same family and clan.But sometimes,when our bolts becomes loose,we go nuts.But do I say ohhh...Gosh!!! that must have been an "awesome experience".Hahaha.

    Laughter is the best medicine,so it is said.I think this is one incident that makes me "laugh loudly(lol)".Mtu mkubwa anajisusuia...eeeeee bana.Asi!

  11. Hi Mystic, Mama Shujaa and M,

    I intend to have that heart to heart. I'll pick my moment. Imagine these two are very laid back, they seem to just stagger along and sometimes it does all work out, even for what seems like a lost cause. I'll keep you updated. xx x x xx x

  12. I laughed reading this..though I know it's not funny. How can she just drink like that with awesome little Barrack on the way?

    You are a good host anyway. Hope you had that heart to heart?

  13. Hi savvy,

    I'm over-Osamated after that lot. Yeah, I'll have that heart-to-heart when they get back this week. grrrrr. xx x

  14. I enjoyed this post. Midwestern folk (chicago area) are quite the treat. Did she really pee on the landing? May be she was on shrooms and happened to think the landing was the bathroom, hehe......

  15. Hi Anon,

    So sorry, caught your comment when I came to do the link to the update. Yes she really did pee on the landing, maybe she just had to go.. x xx xxxx


Hey you, leave a comment but don't just be an asshole about it - try to be decent. That said you are welcome to heap abuse or ridicule if it makes you feel better. However in order to get published it must not be homophobic, racist or sexist. OK?