Free at last

I mark the passing of David Kato, Ugandan activist and human rights campaigner who succumbed to head injuries sustained from a brutal attack at his home yesterday. My condolences to his family, friends and the community at large.

RIP

I’m tired of these men. Martha Karua for President 2012

Hi diary. It’s me, Tamaku. What have I been up to? Well, not much but I’m still here in England. George travelled back to Nairobi over the weekend because he said something about ‘work’, a function that is but a distant memory to me as I’m just a lady of leisure, lol! However lunch today was cod and chips, lovely and I need all the calories to keep me warm because I’ve got at least another couple of weeks in this country. Actually later this evening I’m travelling by train up north (Newcastle upon Tyne) to visit friends and freeze my balls off.

Anyway, so yesterday was the day when the Who’s Who of Kenyan society adorned clean underwear, black suits and dusted off mothballed hats to bid first-class farewell to the recently deceased Gerishon Kirima. If you were not at Kirima’s ’do’ then the sad reality that you must face up to is that you are nobody. I paid my respects on my last post. Pity that some of these so-called leaders forgot their brains at home. On second thought perhaps we should be thankful they did. This being a Kenyan funeral what better place for mirth and to score political mileage. Eh, the stupefaction of it all! Get in! I’ve been waiting to deploy that word for the longest time, lol! The ruckus was tooted off by ex-prezzo Moi, he of the Nyayo, ahem, ‘philosophy’ whom I’ve previously written fondly about here and here. And here. The man is not only guilty of much evil but now he’s also about to give me an ulcer and a repetitive strain injury. When he stood up to bore the mourners to death (sorry!) he was again like a broken record whining that the new Constitution which Kenyans voted for last year allows gay unions. Anthropologists will one day need to get this old man’s brain checked when he kicks it (hopefully not too long to wait) because it may provide the missing link between apes and humans. More stupefying (check, check) is how he managed to stay president for 24 whole years!???

Moi’s comments on gays and the Constitution were like a red rag to Prime Minister Raila who recently also etched himself in my bad books. Basically Raila - claws out - bays at Moi that no, the new laws don’t permit same-sex marriage. He chastises, go read it again to understand. Personally I think that was just so bitchy, have you seen the state of Moi’s cataracts lately? Raila doesn’t stop there though. Because he aspires to be a comedian after his political career ends he adds, ‘we have more women than men, why would any man want to hook up with another man?’ Crowd at funeral roll on the floor pissing themselves with laughter. Wow, Mr Prime Minister of Kenya, Honourable MP for Langata , African Union Mediator to Ivory Coast, cussin (sic) to Barack Obama, blah, blah, blah, how profound your reasoning. Someone (wifey Ida, please?) needs to tell Raila to just shut up and dip his fries in that drivel because he’s being a very naughty boy haemorrhaging supporters every time he opens his mouth on this gay issue.

Or maybe not. Let’s get to know Raila Amolo Odinga even more intimately. Not in that sense, the man abhors gays, hehehehe. We already know how he rewards loyalty, how he will kick a man in the nuts when he’s down on his luck. We now know where he stands when it comes to human rights. On the other hand you can’t fault elitist President Kibaki who doesn’t seem to have much time for a spot of gay-bashing. Perhaps he’s got too much on his mind like how to golf-club nagging First Lady Lucy to death while she’s asleep. Or dreaming of sucking a straw for White Cap lager at Michuki‘s pad watching some Beyonce on the ceiling cinema. Either way, roll on 2012 or whenever the elections will be, my vote will be Martha Karua for President. Hardly surprising as I was even subconsciously thinking about it back then. By the way dad, I told you Politics, English and History instead of Law would one day serve me well, see just how far I’ve come.

Raila squanders decades of respect, reputation now in tatters as he topples himself from pedestal

I have been a lifelong admirer of Prime Minister Raila Odinga from his days as a human rights and pro-democracy activist. This is a man who has the scars that bear testament to the brutality and injustices of Moi’s repressive regime when he was ordered detained for years without trial. Raila has been feted home and abroad as a champion of causes that affect the marginalized and the neglected. Only a few weeks ago- I think it was during Mashujaa Day - he spoke convincingly of a New Kenya where citizens’ private lives would be free from the control of the State and we cheered him on because we thought here is a politician with depth.

That’s why the PM’s recent Kamukunji edict that police should arrest gays comes as a huge shock. Raila now risks being unmasked as a shameless circus-performer whose only ambition is to become at best a benevolent tyrant if he ever sees the presidency. He campaigned, as did many gay Kenyans, for a new constitution to enshrine individual rights and liberties but in essence he would rather reform our Police into a Gestapo-style organization snooping around its citizens’ bedrooms.

Therefore can the Prime Minister also issue a statement to clarify just how police are to identify homosexuals before arresting them? Will it now be an offence for two men to be enjoying a quiet drink together if none of them is married? Will police now patrol the estates in vans festooned with ‘Government of Kenya Rectal Exam Unit’? And if one is identified as homosexual will he be sent to the Kenyan colony on Mars since homosexuality is considered ‘unAfrican’ and 'unnatural'? I seriously want to put this whole saga to one side and accept it as just cheap politics and playing to the gallery in the week we heard about drug-trafficking government officials but I still can’t help thinking it is unethical conduct and most unbecoming of the office of Prime Minister.

A big monumental letdown. Why Raila, why did you do it?

Daniel arap Moi is a lonely old man in need of a woman

'Ayatollah’ Moi recently joined the lynch mob baying for the scalp of Special Programmes Minister Esther Murugi who is reported to have called on Kenyans to shed their prejudice and exercise tolerance towards fellow citizens of a different sexual orientation. Not content with the mess his mismanagement cost our country, Moi's recent judgement calls clearly demonstrate just how out of sync the octogenarian ex-president is with the nation’s psyche. Esther Murugi, whom I'm glad to note made no apology, was making the connection between stigma attached to homosexuality and unchecked spread of HIV due to fear and ignorance. The self-styled professor of politics needs to sit under a tree and pick one of the pupils from the many Moi Primary schools littered across the land to join up the dots for him.

Moi's hatred for homosexuals may stem from a particularly unpleasant prostate exam, yes - even ex presidents over 50 are advised to get their trunk checked annually (gay men without boyfriends are known to insist on more frequent inspections, hehehehe) but you've got to relax - it's for your own good so bite on an index finger (yours, silly, not the doctor's) or rungu if you've got it with you and take it like a man. Ok, I accept it's difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. With wife Lena since departed (RIP), one may ask why doesn't Moi go and slaver over the ample bosom of a willing school ex-headmistress. Being mindful of other people’s welfare I agonised over Moi’s predicament and concluded it's time that Safaricom or other public spirited company sponsored a TV show called Help Find Moi A Woman Widow. Oh the bittersweet irony, after the assassinations of that regime! Sons Gideon and Jonathan would be judges along with Kenneth Matiba and Charles Rubia who were both incarcerated during Moi's era, just for balance. It would be a huge success especially given the matronly charms of a specific TV presenter. Catherine Kasavuli could you please agree to be host?! After all he's always commenting on gays but we've never seen a woman on his arm, ha! Don't just talk, Kenya expects.

What's painfully unforgettable though is that millions of Kenyans died from the Aids epidemic while the past regime had its snout and paws stuck in the trough of public resources. But we picked ourselves up and moved on stronger, that's why I can gleefully say that Moi like that other caricature Robert Mugabe is just another attention whore who's past his sell by date.

Scarecrows like Apostle Dorothy Kweyu can’t walk the talk

I’d like those of you who haven’t done so to meet Dorothy Kweyu, world-renowned thinker who happens to be revise editor at Kenya’s most successful media stable. Dee is also a shining beacon of everything Christian and how to raise the perfect kids as she often likes to remind her readers. Her least successful exploit though is as a mother. Why do I say that? Her hobby, when she’s not shaking the tambourine to O When The Saints Go Marching In, is gay bashing and preaching intolerance. Lately this has also become her specialist subject at work. This Dorothy is no friend.

People like Dee with their Victorian prudery do a great disservice to children whom they fervently wish to imbue an alien moral and social code at odds with modern life. They make poor parents because of their blissful ignorance hiding behind the scriptures whenever their capacity to further interrogate their own particular sense of sexual morality is called to question. They can only regurgitate some verse from an over-thumbed Old Testament promising the wrath of God over matters they disagree. DK, you’ll find that kids nowadays need more than just ‘because I tell you so.’

Dotty is obsessed with the lives of gay and lesbian citizens seeing them as the greatest evil that has permeated all parts of everyday Kenyan life. When a matatu driver cuts her up while approaching a roundabout - assuming she drives a car and not a horse-drawn carriage - it's because he must be sitting on an unlubricated buttplug. Of course he is driving like a maniac because he's dashing off for a quick shag with the conductor. People like her often blame others for their inadequacies. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, she probably thinks the reason she hasn't made the higher echelons is because she refuses to crop her hair and wear combat trousers to work.

Dorothy will find it a compliment when I say she has been uneconomical with the truth because I’m a gay man and therefore an ‘abomination’ to her god and fellow men. I’ve also read some rather unflattering things said about St. Dorothy. You can read them here. She is misusing her position by espousing personal prejudices in the national press by writing homophobia-filled articles and only choosing to invite 'expert' input from right-wing Christian doctors who share her bigotry. NMG take note, this kind of unbalanced journalism is unhealthy.

I actually wanted to call Ms Kweyu a Christian Taliban but that would be unfair on the real Taliban who are at least prepared to die for what they believe in. In the previous piece she revealed how she went against her conscience to revise for publication a story about gay acceptance in church. That's why I've taken it upon myself to revise the work of the revise editor.

On account of that admission alone it’s not surprising that Dot has slipped up and highlighted that she also lacks the courage of her convictions.

Even the wildlife here is homophobic (twisted version)

The sad news of the lion attack at Chipangali this week reminded me of our own camping trip at a game reserve a few months ago. We had to go au naturel under our shorts for three sweaty days but looking as camp as a row of tents (sorry) because Imelda ‘forgot’ to pack us extra underwear. When I grilled her later (over hot coals, lol, just kidding) she said she did it for a laugh. My friends, you can only imagine the pain when you get a scrotum-pube pulled because it got stuck to your shorts which have wedged themselves into a crevice in a hot car seat and then you move suddenly. On account of that I said to Imelda, when she confessed, how would she like it if I ’forgot’ to pay her salary so I don’t think she’ll be repeating that in a hurry. Anyway George and I shared this small two-man tent (very cosy), it was exciting camping outdoors even though the shared toilets and showers were in a separate block, nothing ritzy like this, just clean and functional.

We went with a lesbian couple named Maria and Andrea - Andy for short, but it’s Maria who runs that roost judging from her flat chest, half-inch sides and back and the absence of make-up not even a speck of mascara but I could be wrong. I let Maria sit in front, her full arm which was sporting beaded bangles draped on the door with George driving my car while Andy and I rode bitch-style on the back seats. We’d met the couple on our travels last year and when they came to Kenya to visit their families they decided to take a short break with us. Kenya Tourism Board, what have you done for me lately, I think you need to start paying me commission for all this work I’m doing. We recently discovered what a useful ploy it is for Kenyan gay men to double date with lesbians because you can fool many a homophobic hotelier who will then rush to welcome a pedophile sex tourist and a poor kiddie in tow with open arms.

The first night after dinner, around the open fire-pit and many drinks later (yep, our money’s worth), everyone was ready for their sleeping bag or whatever. Andy and Maria announced that it would be a good idea to sleep outside their tent, for a taste of the real heartbeat of Afrika. They wanted to sleep outside at night in the middle of a game reserve. You know, just like Adam who was not made for Steve (yawn) used to with Eve. Oh yeah? Really? It’s also in the Bible that "Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee." - Leviticus 19:19, so all ‘Christians’ need to check the labels on all their clothes.

I said to Andy and Maria I don't think it’s such a clever idea because I heard a story of a tourist years ago who was sleeping under the stars outside his tent in a game reserve here. Spotted hyenas attacked him in the middle of the night ripping his whole face off. Can you imagine the two seconds when he woke up to find himself looking inside a slavering mouth? I shudder to think, but it’s a second unflattering definition for giving head. Not lol.

Before we all went to our tents I joked that perhaps we should all feel very safe because no self-respecting hyena would be seen dead with a lesbian thigh or gay buttock in it’s jaws. It’s considered taboo and too unAfrican.

My fellow Kenyans, why do you love to hurt with your words?

Recently the LGBIT community held a soiree at the National Museum to commemorate International Day Against Homophobia(IDAHO). The irony of this is that our local media is now frothing even more vile homophobia.

The Bible-thumping brigade, that had slept through a man slaughtering his five year old son, suddenly woke up claiming to be the Anointed Ones whose names are even written in the tablets of Moses. They thundered: ‘Homos, we-who-sin-not, have been sent from the Temple of Righteousness to supervise what you do in your bedrooms.’

Their faces were twisted in hatred and burning with a lust for violence. They all cried ah-men, ah-men when I shut the door and refused to let them in because I am an adult and it‘s no one‘s business whom I choose to love. They left a message to say they would be back later to inspect the sheets.

Many of these Kenyans were writing from Western capitals, where they are sojourned, over a delicious vente Mocha with one shot, iced, caramel sauce on the top and bottom, no whip, light on the ice, and 7 pumps of peppermint syrup about how more African they are and how they would fight tooth and nail until there were no more gay people left in Kenya.

I smiled when I heard this and just went back to my game of scrabble with Imelda because I remembered we had all been down this road before. Much ado about nothing.

I'm standing by you

I travel alone to London tomorrow on business, thankfully just for 4 days. I understand the weather there is arctic ; Please let me share with you Carrie Underwood's cover of 'I'll Stand By You'. Especially with my Ugandan brothers and sisters in mind during their darkest hours. Back soon, because I'll miss you, God-willing...

xxx

The bill Barack Obama calls 'odious'

Let's make this viral, please share.

Gay Kenyans will not go away

Prof Makau Mutua on The Bench articulating the case for Gay Rights in Kenya. It’s a great piece - sorry about ‘drama queen’ Jeff.

Which uncouth homosexual tried to finger Barack Muluka, eh? Now look what you’ve done.

I was sitting alone in the garden the other morning having breakfast and trying to figure out what event could have triggered the recent outburst from Barack Muluka. Question: By the way is it Barack with a single or two r's? I felt the anger in the article, it was very personal, I thought here’s a dude who needs to get a grip and lighten up. Especially when I read that part about coming ‘across uncouth male characters who will even try to finger you in conversation and try ‘taking you out’. Mmmmm....this one takes himself too seriously.

Sounds to me like a distressed plea to get shown the ropes on how to ‘congress homosexually’ (reverse psychology 101 chapter on Spotting the Repressed Kenyan Homosexual). Yuck, these ‘journalists’ will try anything all in the name of advancing their craft. Ok fair enough Barry, you know me, always happy to help out. Only condition is that before we proceed and get you trained on this fingering business I must insist you first have an enema. Pure and simple. Yep, you heard right! No ifs no buts darling, fix a hose of gushing water up your arse and enjoy. You can tape old copies of the Standard on the walls to prevent any splatter messing up your room’s decor. Because shit happens also make sure you do it when you are all alone, they’ll be a lot of erm, previously unseen compacted faecal material. (The mental picture was enough to put me right off my breakfast,lol).

Allow me to refresh your memory, dear reader, just where you might have come across that brand of fascist vitriol before. The unwarranted aggression and habit of conflating abhorrent acts of criminality (rape, bestiality , paedophilia) with homosexuality is spookily common to that toerag blogger ‘Blake’ who used to spew his lies here before he got shut down. He’s always whining about how he was shat on. These bullies who can’t take it like a man, I pity them. Since he moved to the other place he’s faded into obscurity.

Or is this the resurrection?

What do traditions have to do with any marriage?

Homophobes like to argue against gay unions citing 'traditions'. So here comes a video clip* that deals with some of those 'traditions'.



*With permission from Keith Hartman

Are Kenyan parents to blame for homophobia?

A comment in the Daily Nation following the news that gay rights will be left out of our proposed Constitution could explain the root of the deep-seated homophobia that exists in our society:

1. Submitted by alfotula
Posted November 20, 2009 09:49 AM
I dont want to explain to my young children why two men or two women are kissing. I would not know what to tell them bcos idont understand gay relationship. Last year, I was very shocked by the way gay parade their affection in public places in Stockholm and I would not want to see that in Nairobi.


My views on that? How about parents start by explaining to their children what TRUE LOVE really means? Surely there cannot be a worse example of woeful parenting than comments as those which display such helpless ignorance. Capable and loving parents are those who do not shy away from educating their offspring about the diversity that exists in the modern world. Any children abandoned to such an insular environment of intolerance can expect to be disadvantaged in an evolving future and the blame will lie squarely with their negligent carers.

Brave parents who visit here, please take note - today’s homophobe is almost certain to be tomorrow’s pariah.

A silence that speaks volumes

My friend Cynthia Vukets, a Canadian journalist recently did interviews with a section of Kenyans from the LGBT community following the news of the Civil Partnership of Charles Ngengi and Daniel Gichia in the UK. You can view the full article on her blog http://lowdownonline.com/notebook-nairobi.

For me more questions are raised now that the dust seems to have settled. What did the media frenzy and the shameful attacks on the right to privacy achieve? Where was the support of our LGBT organisations in the aftermath when three people were physically attacked by homophobic thugs? What of the police when radio stations were calling for violence against gay citizens? Where have all the peace-loving Kenyans who fight for justice and fairness gone?

Where is Oprah Winfrey in our hour of need?

It’s wonderful to see the number of people who are standing up to be counted as gay Kenyans fight for their rights. I applaud all of you, let me just mention some of these fearless torch-bearers who continue to question our society’s entrenched views: from cartoonist Gathara, Betty Caplan, Dr Paula Kahumbu, Prof Makau Mutua, Rasna Warah, Onyango-Obbo, Peter Mwaura, Cabral Pinto and many many others this illustrious list is growing by the day. Did I hear you say President Obama? Thank you all for choosing to stand firm on these important issues in the face of a hostile and hateful backlash.

The hour is now and the urgency has never been greater. What about you dear reader, can we count on your influence and support? Will you join our quest to end this discrimination of gay people?

Now, if only Oprah could lend her support....

Principles all Kenyans should protect

I just saw this article by Professor Makau Mutua which is absolutely brilliant. It’s really uplifting to read these arguments which speak to the hearts and minds of all decent humans. I can’t add to or deduct from it but I thought the least I could do is to just ask that you read and then embrace the selfless spirit in which it is delivered, regardless of your sexual orientation. Peace.

George and I are enjoying some tusker lagers and each other's company, cheers to you all!

Gay is OK: hit back on Kenyan journalists....by Paula Kahumbu

Please listen to this powerful piece of advocacy. I urge you to say NO to a particularly virulent strain of hate that is permeating through sections of our media. Click on the link below for Dr Paula Kahumbu's podcast.


Chirbit | Share audio easily | paulakahumbu | Gay is OK: hit back on Kenyan journalists...

Posted using ShareThis

Making up for lost time

It’s no exaggeration to say the past couple of weeks have been like a roller coaster rush for the long-ignored LGBT community in Kenya. I continue to receive a steady mixed-bag in my inbox. Well-wishers (thanks all) have written to say how excited they are about the acres of coverage written about homosexuals and on homosexuality. Positive or negative, they are just happy to have this issue thrust into the open. On the other side a majority who hold a different view continue to be less than charitable. But hey, that’s the beauty we call freedom of expression.

What stands out is the extent and variety of this attention. We now have a bungling priest who finds himself neck-deep in murky waters after his outrageous take on recent events. Mainstream media can’t seem to get enough of men in drag, and the public mood appears to be shifting too. Perhaps they think that all gay men like to prance around in their grandmother's dresses and badly done make-up which appears to be harmless fun. Nothing wrong with that, to each their own. I’d like to think that by next week a bored and desensitized public will think nothing of a front page showing a picture of two men shagging snogging. Next!

It’s amazing how much can happen in 2 short weeks. Hot on the heels the government is now seeking to find out how many gay Kenyans there are. About time too! You wait ages for a bus and then 3 come along at once. Indeed these are interesting times but we still have a long and bumpy road ahead of us.

So for now my friends, champagne remains on ice.

Spread of Fartism in Kenya

I laughed when I saw the piece on KTN about ‘Gayism in Kenya’ . Everyone knows that is the newest political movement in town followed by the gayists and lesbianists wishing to get to the promised land of Queerdom . You couldn’t make it up if you tried, the absurdity!

So I’ve come up with a new label for the so-called brand of journalism now prevalent in Kenya. It’s called Fartism, which is similar but not to be confused with Fascism. Of course those whose craft it is are known as fartists. Fartists are guilty of constantly farting and transmitting putrid smells in the name of news reporting. I would not be surprised one of these days to learn one of these fartists have gone too far and soiled their pants.

Otherwise I have no problem with the vast majority of straight Kenyans who religiously continue to hate homosexuals. Ok, only one or two issues that concern me as a gay man. Number one, please stop covering all your living room furniture with those ghastly crocheted fabrics. I hear they are a little-known cause of crotch rot. Number two, could the men please stop picking their noses. I counted three men on the streets last week with at least half an arm up inside their noses, mining for what I do not know.

History of the Nation that liked to talk...

Continued from here:

Friends and foes, that was the season when few tongues stopped wagging. But please don’t mention land-grabbers because secretly many in that crowd - deep in their hearts - knew that given the chance they would grab even more. They talked themselves hoarse about the curse of homosexuality that had befallen faraway lands where proud sons and daughters of Kenya were prepared to be humiliated to be given permission to remain saying they had nowhere else to call home.

Some in the crowd went on a fast over those evil faggots, praying and talking in tongues wishing they be exterminated. Others fasted because they still had nothing to eat but they were now told they also needed to fast. After some time this storm also came to pass and the crowd dispersed, talking proudly about how they had stamped out the only sin from their land which would now remain pure forever.

When they returned jubilantly to their homes, it dawned on them that nothing much had changed while they’d been busy talking. Those who had been poor now risked starvation, those who had been rich were now wealthy beyond dreams, while those who had been sad were still denied justice.

It was said that the reason some of these Kenyans liked talking all the time without stopping was they believed that their debates would be heard by a God who would then make them a better People. So they continued talking, perhaps because they were also afraid of what they would hear if they only stopped to listen….