I got up the next morning and went downstairs leaving George asleep looking so serene.I made myself a glass of carrot juice and wandered to the garden where the Jacarandas have refused to flower, my thoughts were all over the place. Why is this man who is sleeping upstairs like a lamb making me feel as if I have just arrived at the top of a hill pushing a heavy wheelbarrow? I never lied to myself that I am not successful in what I do, but I always recognized I was not special in anyway. I know many people in my life better than me craving some material things which came my way mainly through the generosity of parents.
I said to George as he took his cup of tea and fruit salad sitting next to me on the balcony gazing to a coffee plantation glistering from a light drizzle during the night: ‘I have not met someone who makes me feel the way that you do.’ And he put the spoon down and said he had in the past but I made him feel better. I answered that is fine, we are now together and we can forget about the others who did not want to make us feel we were also human.
George liked watching movies and I had work to catch up with, so I left him watching the dvds that I have from that sad boy-hawker who sells them outside Sarit Centre. When I reappeared to top up George’s drink as he lay sprawled on the sofa in the lounge, he silently looked up and my heart heard his beating, I want to live with you and nothing else matters. I retreated to the study and looked at the emails from work which I deleted and saw some others from thegaykenyan.blogspot.com that I replied to. All I could think of was how to be happy with George.
I made up my mind then because sometimes when you live unloved for so long you think you know; I knew this was not enough because he also needed to want the same and I went to George and said please we need to talk. George stopped looking at the television and asked why I looked serious, what was it. I took the remote from his hands - gently, I was conscious he might think I was trying to control him if I grabbed my remote.
‘You can see I have a house that should have a family but I live here just myself and Imelda. My family visit whenever they wish because they imagine my unfilled life is theirs.’ I didn’t need to finish because he said yes I’ll move in with you because here is much better than there and I know we’ll be happier. I wanted to kiss him on his lips, his honesty shamed mine but he also needed to hear from me.
I said, ‘We can live anywhere but at the moment please let’s live here. If anything should happen I feel you can take care of me and don’t think I would not be happy in a single room because I would so long as you are with me.’
Things continued moving very fast. Later in the afternoon after lunch I loaned George some money because he needed to hire a pickup to transport his belongings to my house. And I wanted him to know I trusted him so I also gave him the card that I don’t use together with the pin number. I said, ’When you want to buy something but don’t have cash you can use it, but please be careful.’ While he was gone to collect his things I rang cardcentre and told CFC bank to put a 10000 shillings limit and to sms me for any transaction over this amount.
My mind was spinning like a roulette wheel. What will I tell my family and my friends when they find out about George. I discovered no answers after 2 hours of digging, only a nagging disappointment that wondered whether I also agonised how they were living their lives.