Thursday, July 23, 2009

City packages swell in tight squeeze

Sorry to disappoint but I’m not bringing news of a pay increase. Rather I’m speaking up for all the long-suffering gals and boys of Nairobi who now brace themselves whenever they see friends approaching them on the streets. It’s been catching on slowly but it’s now at pandemic proportions this need for pals and even casual acquaintances to stop and hold each other in a lovers’ cinch while air kissing mwah, mwah (so last year darlings). Problem is, now the squeezes are getting tighter the hug has morphed into erotic caressing, longer and lower as hands explore, temperatures rising (must be the cold). I think perverts relish these encounters to initiate foreplay on the pavement, grinding a stiff one against a cornered pelvis and groping at butts just to say, ‘how are you’. Well, well look what we have here! I'm in no doubt just how happy you feel to see me. It’s mostly the men, I’m yet to be stabbed by a woman’s bits like say a sharp nipple. Lol! At times the hug looks like someone is being held while having their back scrubbed!

Please friends when we meet just nod or if we have to then let’s shake hands. As for the hug let’s keep it that, not a sample of what you’re packing! Boys, boys.


  1. Oh one Mr Oyunga Pala explained this in last saturday's man talk. Its definitely the season that is bringing this on.

  2. Hi Mystic,

    I liked OP's article in his usual humorous style - never used to be a fan but he's grown on me. People are getting crafty during this cold season brrrr, seriously though even the handshaking might need to be suspended, what with the swine flu and all! Have a great day. xxx

  3. Was about to say what mystic in Kisumu its quite the opposite. Things are BURNING here, you can cut a slice of the heat with a knife. All the better for the women to let some skin show...well, and men ;)

  4. Hey willpress,

    Should we be putting 'knife', 'slice' and 'skin' in the same paragraph in Kisumu?! My bad, lol! xxx

  5. Ha ha@your response for Willpress. Bad bad boy!

    Tell you what, I'll take a back-scrubbing hug anyday from a friend(not co-worker or my boss's driver)...the air-kisses annoy the Hell out of me..and why 3 of them anyway? aRRGHHH..


  6. Now you're the one who knows. If I'm looking at you and saying hello ... why would any physical contact be necessary for you to establish that I'm greeting you? I don't do handshakes (when aliens sift through the debris that will be the remains of planet earth and find a movie with people shaking hands, they'll think that that is our oddest practise yet). Hugs are fine but should be few and far between and only if we're reaaally tight AND haven't seen each other in some time.

    Thanks for the space to rant ...

  7. Hi Gee,

    Yes, what's with the 3 mwah.. mwah.. mwah.. mwah..oops sorry that's 4 and now heads collide because the other person is counting with their toes! Some crazy stuff going on! It's after lunch and I'm sluggish...xxxxx (meant to give you 3!)

    Hi Digzer,

    And people need to be careful who they hug, some pickpockets are super fast too! BTW you are so polite, you are most welcome and thanks for stopping by. *Hugs* xxx

  8. Vipi watch about the way the Arabs do it kiss on both cheeks three times?I thought this would appeal to ikiwa hakuna mavi ya kuku breath

  9. Well..hate the fake kisses and hugs..hate the handshakes especially with sweaty palms.

    On the other hand, if it's a handsome Italian hottie kissing both my cheeks, so be it.


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