Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Passing the paper

George and I arrived in London a couple of days ago to be with my siblings over New Year's. It was freezing when my bro Timmy and his wife picked us up from Heathrow, so much so that when we got to the house in Esher they had to sort us out with electric blankets and hot water bottles. We both had zero blood flowing through our circulatory systems...brrrrr and you know how bad that is for sex.

BTW flight KQ 116 to Amsterdam for the connection to London was crap and I'm still annoyed about it but that's the subject of a detailed post coming here very soon.

In the meantime please enjoy some Direct Drive passing the paper.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Never forget 97

I just wanted to say a big Thank You to all who visit my blog - much love to you all.

I share Femi Kuti's performance here and I hope you'll feel the fire that comes with it. Only one Fela. I'll never forget 97 but I plan to keep smiling whatever.

Happy 2010 everyone. xx xxx.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Storm over paradise

Happy Christmas and best wishes for the New Year to friends (and foes) from a rain-soaked Nairobi. Last night the taps in heaven really opened but we say thanks for the rain because it was getting beyond a joke.

Laters, and hope you all have a great time, we plan to.... xxx xxx xx

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Doctor

I recently saw a poster on a roadside utilities cabinet near the City Stadium (Italics are mine):

'Dr Hodari - Consultant Doctor (tel 0721 xxx xxx) helps in -

* Love portions (Stir-in and drink from a horny goat's horn?)

* Man Power (This deficiency is not about the lack of employment, lol)

* Woman weakness (Casanova's cure?)

* Family Affairs (Dear Dr, I have the hots for my son...?)'

It's a mad world for sure.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

G touring on two wheels

My best friend Mike lent me his new Honda 250cc motorbike for the day so I thought I’d take it for a spin on the outskirts of Nairobi to a place called Kitengela . I cruised gaily feeling like one of them from CHiPs in my Oakley whisker black shades up to just after Mlolongo where I’d forgotten there are diversions due to road works. So much plant – Bomag rollers, Shantui diggers, Caterpillars with buckets the size of an average lorry. The Chinese really do know how to build roads, I think it’s all in the stir-fry. But this section of road is rough terrain and I was breathing in serious dust especially from the lorries around Bamburi Cement and East African Portland Cement. The air quality around those parts doesn’t feel too healthy.

I got to Kitengela town at about 2pm and stopped at Tarino Butchery (what happened to Tarino the soft drink from the 80's?) for a change, we normally have our lunch at Mariakani Meat Park which is directly opposite or at Hotel Nomad which is further up the road. My helmet visor was covered in a chalky dust which I wiped off on my jeans’ bum. They usually have meat ready cooked so I ordered chemsha (boiled beef) and mbavu choma (roast goat ribs), ugali with kachumbari salad which was excellent . I laughed when I saw the sign next to the sink where I washed my hands: tafadhali usiteme mate wala kunawa uso kwa sink (please do not spit or wash your face at the sink). When I read it first I thought ‘mate’ (Swahili for spit) was ‘mate’ as in friend. Lol!

I also saw two handsome Masai men in traditional dress holding hands and carrying heavy rungu’s (clubs) so I didn’t ask them if they were gay because there was 50:50 chance I may be very wrong.

After lunch I thought I can’t stand that section of rough road again or else I’ll bring up my lunch on Mike’s new toy so I turned off towards Tuskys Athi, vroomed past the Ministry of Livestock Development Meat Training Institute (I swear that’s what the sign said, so next time you have a disciplined steak you’ll know where it’s come from). I joined the Mombasa Road at Devki Steel Mills and stopped at Zahra Service Station (please pave your forecourt) for petrol and to make a phone call to the other half who was so jealous because he was at work. I said honey please pray for me I’m on Mike’s bike on Mombasa Road and there are trucks and buses driven by maniacs everywhere.

When I got to River Park Estate more dust went up my nose which made me wonder for some few seconds why people ever bother snorting cocaine but I was more curious about the modular houses which look like upside down teacups. So I went off to have a look but when I got there it was just a big black gate and no one to ask. Please if someone knows what they are please let me know.

Nearer to Nairobi after City Cabanas I walked the bike in traffic for about 40 minutes because I know it can be fatal for cyclists when inconsiderate drivers suddenly open their doors. I was next to a 40ft Kuehne Nagel container truck wondering how flat as a pancake I’d be if it toppled over. I saw two youngish lads riding precariously standing on the rear bar of a pickup truck, just another way to get home.

Luckily I just beat the real rush hour headache when I arrived at our house. I’ve just had a long shower and I’m relaxing in the study waiting for George. Imelda is making one of my favs for our dinner which is tilapia caught this morning but soon to be swimming in a rich tomato sauce served with KPL Super Aromatic Rice in coconut milk which is just so delish. That’ll put me in the mood for what-you-are-thinking-of-when-you-are-not-sleeping- which- is- sex. Goodnight all.

Friday, December 11, 2009

He's back!

My dear George came back home last night. He said he had needed some space - I wonder do men get PMS? I was so happy to see him I said honey don't worry about anything we'll work through our problems. Our family is back together again and that's all that counts for now.

Imelda and I missed Gee so much we had a small party for him when he got here, pizzas and lots of wine. I said a silent prayer thanks God for bringing my love back home safe. I also folded away my old Raymonds Polar Bear blanket that I've had since I was a little boy (I picked it up from my mum's on Monday night) and which I was using to comfort me through the lonely nights, even though it's been easily 20 degrees at night. I haven't been to work today and neither has George, we've been in the garden talking and basking in the sun.

Thanks everyone for your kindness - my heart was warmed by your concern and your love dried my tears of despair. I'm sure Gee knows how much he means to me and to you guys too. Have a lovely weekend all. xxx x

Monday, December 7, 2009

Honey please come back I love you

George walked out this evening. We had a small argument, just about him ignoring me and stuff. I'm heartbroken,I love him with all my heart all you guys are my witness. Now I feel as if I'm going to die.

Gee, honey I know you'll come to the blog, this is for you baby. I'm so sorry for anything I said or did. Please come back home.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A pussycat growls?

I don’t know what to make of claims that the world’s greatest golfer is ‘horrible in bed’. Part of me wants to cry and send some tips because it’s not nice when someone says that about you especially when your first name is Tiger - the grrrrr. The other side of me wants to just lol! thinking it might be a case of putting in the wrong hole....mmmm? Mmmm? Lol!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Joining the dots

It’s that time again friends. Yes we have another poll! Weeheeeii!! Well well, first let’s recap on what we’ve seen from polls conducted here so far:

1) The majority want Kenya to decriminalise homosexuality

2) Kalonzo Musyoka was chosen as the sexiest male politician

3) The dream cock picked was the cut one (such fashion victims *eye-roll, sigh* but the people have spoken!)

So what do these results really mean? My take is that many Kenyans will come out of the closet once Kalonzo becomes President of Kenya, but he first needs to cut a deal with KANU (party of the cockerel, get it?). There’s a method to the madness, please bare bear with me because that’s all the analysis my brain can process for now, it’s nearly full.

So, let move on to the new poll which deals with bisexuality. It’s on the left. Please vote. Thanks.