Which uncouth homosexual tried to finger Barack Muluka, eh? Now look what you’ve done.

I was sitting alone in the garden the other morning having breakfast and trying to figure out what event could have triggered the recent outburst from Barack Muluka. Question: By the way is it Barack with a single or two r's? I felt the anger in the article, it was very personal, I thought here’s a dude who needs to get a grip and lighten up. Especially when I read that part about coming ‘across uncouth male characters who will even try to finger you in conversation and try ‘taking you out’. Mmmmm....this one takes himself too seriously.

Sounds to me like a distressed plea to get shown the ropes on how to ‘congress homosexually’ (reverse psychology 101 chapter on Spotting the Repressed Kenyan Homosexual). Yuck, these ‘journalists’ will try anything all in the name of advancing their craft. Ok fair enough Barry, you know me, always happy to help out. Only condition is that before we proceed and get you trained on this fingering business I must insist you first have an enema. Pure and simple. Yep, you heard right! No ifs no buts darling, fix a hose of gushing water up your arse and enjoy. You can tape old copies of the Standard on the walls to prevent any splatter messing up your room’s decor. Because shit happens also make sure you do it when you are all alone, they’ll be a lot of erm, previously unseen compacted faecal material. (The mental picture was enough to put me right off my breakfast,lol).

Allow me to refresh your memory, dear reader, just where you might have come across that brand of fascist vitriol before. The unwarranted aggression and habit of conflating abhorrent acts of criminality (rape, bestiality , paedophilia) with homosexuality is spookily common to that toerag blogger ‘Blake’ who used to spew his lies here before he got shut down. He’s always whining about how he was shat on. These bullies who can’t take it like a man, I pity them. Since he moved to the other place he’s faded into obscurity.

Or is this the resurrection?

Heterophobia?

I overheard a conversation recently between two gay men: ‘Some of these straight Kenyan men are secretly grateful to learn that there are many gays in their midst. The reduced compe(tition) means they now stand a better chance of ever getting laid before they die.’

I was horrified to hear this wet and rather warm mind fart.

Nauseous.

Steaming piles of manure

What started as a trickle has now turned into a steady torrent of anonymous hate mail. All this noxious slime goes into a bulging folder I’ve lovingly labeled ‘colostomy bag’. And I’m not alone; Pater Nostra seems to enjoy a similar fan base.

Haters don’t keep me awake at night. On occasion I confess to having trouble falling asleep, like the other night when I was tossing and turning, George asked me what was on my mind. I said I was just wondering what if a woman has a sex-change and now dates men, are they both gay? He said it’s interesting but he never thought about it. He asked me do you think Caroline Mutoko, from the radio, is that a man in drag? I said it never crossed my mind. Then we both nodded off.