Homo Erectus spotted in Nairobi bar

I was having a quiet drink last night after work while waiting for my George when a female beauty (random score of 50 points) invited herself to my table where I was seated alone. She said she was waiting for someone too so we shared a table and she even bought me a drink. After about an hour or so I was shocked to be invited to her pad for the promise of a good time, it would cost me only 20,000 shillings (expensive for Nairobi, I’m told so deduct 30 points for over-charging) for the whole night but I would 'love every single hot inch of it, daddy'. Meanwhile she didn’t leave any tantalizing descriptions out. If you were eavesdropping you’d have been driven crazy when she told me about her ‘vet’ skills in mouth to mouth for male chickens (50 points). Dear reader I confess I was turned on by this stranger but luckily I remembered that all these are just temptations of the flesh sent by the devil (ashindwe kabisa!) and my mind should be stronger that’s when I started breathing normally and regained my composure.

To be fair to her she was also extremely well-dressed (15 points), with an air of worldly sophistication (35 points) and would have easily passed for a successful businesswoman. And very well-spoken (25 points) I might add, I was mesmerised by her confidence and charm (30 points). Of course I declined the offer of sex from this young lady because I don’t remember how to screw with women – what goes where & how! You can forget you know, it’s not like riding a bicycle. Although on some pornos I’ve looked at it looks like that’s the idea some men have of sex.

Anyway she’d gone by the time George showed up but I told him about my encounter on the way home. So we started wondering: is there any difference between a high class prostitute and a low class one?

Are gay men jealous of women?

A few years ago I was at a wedding reception of a Kenyan music producer where I joined two women acquaintances in the flower bedecked marquee. They soon started talking about a male guest working in advertising who everyone in Nairobi knows to be gay.

‘These gay men can be nasty, they like to gossip like women,’ pigeonholed chocolate-toned beauty in a stunning KikoRomeo creation.

‘Yes,’ replied princess daughter of wealthy NSE stockbroker, index finger flicking away a stray dreadlock. ‘And they are so jealous of women.’

I just nodded as if to say all this gay talk is emasculating my heterosexual self. They had no idea that they were talking to Mr Gay himself.

It got me wondering. I definitely don’t hate the female of our species. However it seems that increasingly the myth of the gay man’s best friend, the fag hag, is being called to question. I’ve had it said that gay men even hate women and also that lesbians hate men. Not in the not-my-cup-of-tea sense but in the can’t-stand-your-face sense. Could it be a case of jostling for position in a fractured society? It’s a sad reality that far too many of our women are at the bottom of the food chain - as Kaasa puts it here eloquently. Or is it the machinations of chasing after a common factor that would make some gay men hostile to women as observed here.

Honestly, I don’t know what to make of it all. Those most discriminated against stand accused of doing exactly that.