Sunday, June 14, 2009


S + N = D

Let me explain. You’ll be happy when I’ve finished, this might be the greatest discovery since the glow in the dark toilet seat. You see I receive many e-mails from both gay boys and straight gals asking me the same question: ‘Dear Tamaku, how can you tell just by looking whether a man is packing right, you know, that he comes up to scratch in the snake-park stakes. In other words, how can you be sure before you get the new guy home that you won’t be short changed?’ I used to write back and tell them to use the tip-of-middle-finger-to-wrist test until this poor girl wrote back crying to say the guy she was eyeing had lost his fingers in a meat-slicer accident.

So in response to these fundamental questions about that part of the male anatomy over which many continue to ponder, I have undertaken my own research whose findings I now present here. I spent many sleepless nights thinking and other sleepless nights ‘tossing’ and ‘turning’, so I hope you appreciate my efforts. I did, very enjoyable thank you.

All you need is the formula above. S is for length from the top of the arm across left shoulder to the bottom of the neck. N is for length of the neck to the lower earlobe. Add these together then divide by two (or you'll be very disappointed when you get home), and there my friends is the size of the guy’s thingy (D). In inches, when he’s happy to see you. QED.

Now you’ll excuse me while I take this phone call, it’s from the Knob-El Prize people.

Disclaimer: Not to be used where the specimen is from a neck-elongating tribe. In such instances revert to former test.


  1. The ¨former test¨ has never failed me (check either middle finger) hands, well, for God sake LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CROTCH!

    Never fails, most men don´t wear ´codpieces´ like women wear uplift and/or padded bras...besides, many handsome men have many charms, talents and often unknown sensual abilities.

    The World around us ought really astound us!

  2. Hey Leonardo,

    Your expertise and technique are unsurpassable! 'LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CROTCH' Lol!

  3. Wewe.. acha kutupa watu. I don't suppose you were standing under an apple tree when u made this discovery?

  4. Interesting piece of information. Well noted and I am ready to try out the theory at the first instance i get :)

  5. Hi KK,

    Well, I'll just say I wasn't standing and there were no trees where I made the discovery! xxx x

    Hi Mystic,

    Remember to carry a tape measure and calculator. lol! xxxx

  6. Hi GNM,

    Try writing on a flipchart with a pencil when what you need is a marker-pen. Lol, have a good day! xx x xx

  7. virgin blogger here and now...

    would love pointers, followers and friends galore

    make today count!

  8. WTF, woman?

    My figures came to infinite!

    Mine is kubwa sana. Just ask Max. (-:

  9. Hi sid kachumbari,

    I'm coming over there shortly. Asante. xxx

    Hi Pater,

    That's what they all say ;(
    xxx x

    Hey KK,

    Of course you meant Archimedes, he of the bath water...

  10. Hahahahaaa!! You have the formula, now write another piece on how you are to chuck a tape measure and calculator in the heat of the moment. What reason do you give? lol, or you say you want to tailor-make a shirt for him? hihihiii, I'll still to Leonardo's method thank you

  11. Hi Rox,

    Imagine if you wait for heat of the moment it's too late! 'Excuse me honey, can we stop kissing for a minute. I'd like to measure you up for a new kitenge ' is a sure passion killer. When you're still out at the club/restaurant/church, say you're feeling cold, let him give you his jacket. Excuse yourself to the ladies and proceed to take data (measurements). Compute, formulate, manipulate. Then decide whether to copulate! (I'm trying to be a rapper..)- BTW, I think everyone's neck is around 6 inches, yeah N is constant...xxxx

  12. Did not work but maybe I just cocked up the calculations... (Kidding!)

    Very funny rafiki. And as for going back to the this background - I agree, it looks better!

  13. Hi Billy

    Comes easier with practice! LOL!

  14. I've got nothing to say but LAUGH out loud.
    Freesurf from Nigeria


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