Saturday, October 31, 2009

Principles all Kenyans should protect

I just saw this article by Professor Makau Mutua which is absolutely brilliant. It’s really uplifting to read these arguments which speak to the hearts and minds of all decent humans. I can’t add to or deduct from it but I thought the least I could do is to just ask that you read and then embrace the selfless spirit in which it is delivered, regardless of your sexual orientation. Peace.

George and I are enjoying some tusker lagers and each other's company, cheers to you all!

Friday, October 30, 2009

I don see nothin wrong

Something for the weekend. Mr Kelly helps others to do their thing and nearly makes my screen melt. Is he good or what? Have a great weekend.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Gay is OK: hit back on Kenyan Paula Kahumbu

Please listen to this powerful piece of advocacy. I urge you to say NO to a particularly virulent strain of hate that is permeating through sections of our media. Click on the link below for Dr Paula Kahumbu's podcast.

Chirbit | Share audio easily | paulakahumbu | Gay is OK: hit back on Kenyan journalists...

Posted using ShareThis

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Making up for lost time

It’s no exaggeration to say the past couple of weeks have been like a roller coaster rush for the long-ignored LGBT community in Kenya. I continue to receive a steady mixed-bag in my inbox. Well-wishers (thanks all) have written to say how excited they are about the acres of coverage written about homosexuals and on homosexuality. Positive or negative, they are just happy to have this issue thrust into the open. On the other side a majority who hold a different view continue to be less than charitable. But hey, that’s the beauty we call freedom of expression.

What stands out is the extent and variety of this attention. We now have a bungling priest who finds himself neck-deep in murky waters after his outrageous take on recent events. Mainstream media can’t seem to get enough of men in drag, and the public mood appears to be shifting too. Perhaps they think that all gay men like to prance around in their grandmother's dresses and badly done make-up which appears to be harmless fun. Nothing wrong with that, to each their own. I’d like to think that by next week a bored and desensitized public will think nothing of a front page showing a picture of two men shagging snogging. Next!

It’s amazing how much can happen in 2 short weeks. Hot on the heels the government is now seeking to find out how many gay Kenyans there are. About time too! You wait ages for a bus and then 3 come along at once. Indeed these are interesting times but we still have a long and bumpy road ahead of us.

So for now my friends, champagne remains on ice.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Spread of Fartism in Kenya

I laughed when I saw the piece on KTN about ‘Gayism in Kenya’ . Everyone knows that is the newest political movement in town followed by the gayists and lesbianists wishing to get to the promised land of Queerdom . You couldn’t make it up if you tried, the absurdity!

So I’ve come up with a new label for the so-called brand of journalism now prevalent in Kenya. It’s called Fartism, which is similar but not to be confused with Fascism. Of course those whose craft it is are known as fartists. Fartists are guilty of constantly farting and transmitting putrid smells in the name of news reporting. I would not be surprised one of these days to learn one of these fartists have gone too far and soiled their pants.

Otherwise I have no problem with the vast majority of straight Kenyans who religiously continue to hate homosexuals. Ok, only one or two issues that concern me as a gay man. Number one, please stop covering all your living room furniture with those ghastly crocheted fabrics. I hear they are a little-known cause of crotch rot. Number two, could the men please stop picking their noses. I counted three men on the streets last week with at least half an arm up inside their noses, mining for what I do not know.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

History of the Nation that liked to talk...

Continued from here:

Friends and foes, that was the season when few tongues stopped wagging. But please don’t mention land-grabbers because secretly many in that crowd - deep in their hearts - knew that given the chance they would grab even more. They talked themselves hoarse about the curse of homosexuality that had befallen faraway lands where proud sons and daughters of Kenya were prepared to be humiliated to be given permission to remain saying they had nowhere else to call home.

Some in the crowd went on a fast over those evil faggots, praying and talking in tongues wishing they be exterminated. Others fasted because they still had nothing to eat but they were now told they also needed to fast. After some time this storm also came to pass and the crowd dispersed, talking proudly about how they had stamped out the only sin from their land which would now remain pure forever.

When they returned jubilantly to their homes, it dawned on them that nothing much had changed while they’d been busy talking. Those who had been poor now risked starvation, those who had been rich were now wealthy beyond dreams, while those who had been sad were still denied justice.

It was said that the reason some of these Kenyans liked talking all the time without stopping was they believed that their debates would be heard by a God who would then make them a better People. So they continued talking, perhaps because they were also afraid of what they would hear if they only stopped to listen….

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

History lesson of the future: Kenya, the Nation that liked to talk

Once upon a time there was a violent storm in a teacup after a gay wedding took place in a foreign land. When some people of a country called Kenya awoke to the news they were very, very angry. They started shouting, moving from radio stations to newspapers and then to the internet which they liked to use to watch porn now and again. Overnight every disgusted holy man and his favourite barmaid mistress had an opinion and amid much chest-thumping and preaching, they said how much they loathed homosexuals because God had told them to.

On the following Monday a building collapsed and crushed to death several of their fellow hardworking but poorer citizens who worked at a place called Kiambu. Back then building codes in Kenya were frequently flouted and although people had even been burnt to death in firetraps the majority pretended not to notice this fresh tragedy because money was everything, and anyway this was a country where such things were expected to happen.

Meanwhile the crowd that gathered was ranting and foaming over the gay wedding, perhaps because they had not been invited to the reception. They barked together, ‘Unnatural, Un-African and Against Religion,’ baying for the newlyweds’ blood whilst eating the body of Christ. You could hear the screeching over valleys where heavy rains in the night drenched thousands of nameless women, innocent babies and children who had been forgotten in tattered tents for months due to fighting which had broken out because someone did not know how to count nuts. The infrastructure repairs that had been covered like foundation make-up over a wrinkled face and paid for again by overtaxed citizens started to crumble.

But for now the industrious Kenyan people were busy thinking only about another place called Sodom. They sharpened their pencils with the machetes which they kept under their beds and wrote to newspapers: ‘We are a God-fearing and peace-loving Nation. It’s an abomination. We must all hang our heads in shame and could the friendly Mungiki behead those sexual deviants from London if they ever set foot here.’

History lesson to be continued tomorrow…..

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

You're having a giraffe!

A response to all anonymous commentators who are bothered to spew their filth on this blog here are some home truths:

- Gays and Lesbians are here to stay and we will continue to fight for our rights until you commit mass suicide. Fact is many of you are sexually repressed with no outlet, but my advice is to remember that straps don't only belong on bras

- 'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww' is the name of the cheese you've got growing under your crusty cocks, taking organic too far

- I'd rather cut my dick off with a blunt and rusty blade standing in the muddy waters of Nairobi River to eat than live a life obsessed with the sexuality of others

Aaaaaah, felt good. Did you have a nice Kenyatta Day?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Help stop the Talibanisation of East Africa

These are testing times for sexual minorities in East Africa. I see that there is a bill before the Ugandan Parliament to further suppress the freedoms of gay and lesbian Ugandans and their supporters. It seems that our politicians, many whom are of questionable integrity, now want to police free thought and the private associations of their citizens. I am aghast but not surprised that politicians have set their sights on this issue instead of addressing rampant corruption and failure of their State organs.

‘Experts in Kenya’, currently grappling with a review of our Constitution, have also cowardly brushed aside the clamour for equal rights for gays. I am at a loss as to what purpose this review is meant to achieve if it is minded to exclude the rights of any section of the society. Are we not where we are today due to intolerance and bigotry? The continued criminalization of homosexuality is one that cannot be wished away by old and tired arguments about being un-African, unnatural and only informed by a religious right. Kenya must remain a secular state to be counted amongst the progressive nations of the future. Current arguments against homosexuality are lost when you consider that bar the history of colonization it’s likely that it would not even feature on our statute books.

People, whatever the sexuality need to be vigilant. Ignore these developments which only serve to make criminals of law-abiding fellow citizens at the peril of your own personal liberties . These politicians have shown time and time again that they cannot be trusted and given the chance they will further erode basic human rights. Please join the petition and let your voices be heard.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Kenyan gay couple wed

I am overjoyed that a gay wedding of Kenyans in London has made the news of the national press. We wish the lucky couple all the best in this new chapter of their lives together. George and I are thinking of the same, to deepen our commitment to one another - even though these unions are not recognised here. It's early days yet but we are determined to have a ceremony to exchange rings and vows witnessed by close friends and family. I'll wear white of course, don't even think to mutter but Tamaku's been around the block a few times unless you are a nun yourself. lol!

We hope you'll accept our invitation when the time comes. Tonight we are just both so happy to raise a glass or two to the newlyweds.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Photo of Tamaku burning in hell!!

A reader of this blog (not a fan) who hates gays wrote recently to me to say that George and I would burn in hell for being society's misfits! Lol! I thought, mmmmmm, how would I look with flames lapping my body?

So here you are, a picture of me as I would appear in the Devil's crib! Hope I haven't given anyone nightmares. Don't worry, dear God is merciful...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Which is the better cock-a-doodle-doo?

Hi folks,

We've got a new poll! Today I was looking at some of those gay dating sites and one thing that sticks out is how the profiles list 'type of cock', cut or uncut! So I thought I'd ask the burning question: which is the preferred model? Mmmmm, please vote and let's see what's in demand ;)

The poll is at the usual place (on the left).

Friday, October 9, 2009


Turn it up. This is for all my special friends. Some Kenny blow my mind....enjoy. Deliberately video missed out because pictures aren't everything ; )

Low standards in journalism, is excessive alcohol consumption a factor?

The attempted exposé by the Standard in their Pulse magazine today was anticipated in recent days and even previously discussed in some Kenyan LGBT circles. People were waiting for when, not if, the newspaper would publish those photos of men in drag. Call it a leak from within but this matter has not just jumped out from the blue. Of course the only way the women reporters would have tricked their way into that venue is that even as women they naturally look like men in drag. Ouch.

What was unexpected and laughable is the magazine’s attempt to tackle the weighty issue of sexuality. Clearly the NMG class of columnists you are not. The outcome is a hodgepodge of a team-effort by two mediocre journalists. Two wrongs don’t make a right but to be fair I could sense their joint sexual tension especially when they mentioned the ‘gal-on-gal action’ and ‘lovely’ Olivia. Could they also be harbouring a secret longing to be a part of this 'abomination' taking place in Africa? I take exception with these so-called investigative journalists who churn rubbish padded out with quotes from ‘anonymous sources’ and suspect ‘names-have-been-changed’ disclaimers. The temptation to titillate and sensationalize for the benefit of jumpstarting dwindling circulation numbers has proved irresistible. It’s also poor form to include the views from a ‘psychologist’ who clearly does not understand what she is talking about.

Anyway that newspaper should be your first port of call if you are interested in headlines such as ‘Man charged with making love to a hen’ (written by no less than FOUR reporters) or if you are curious on whether Tom Cholmondeley has paid someone to scratch his arse for him with a discarded toothbrush while in prison. Today’s article which was pointed out to me by a reader of this blog is poorly researched, woefully edited and badly written. I can only say thanks for the interesting photos, I hope the gorgeous fellas who have been outed remembered to shave their legs and armpits for the ‘shoot’. Loving that green wig by the way.

I’m deliberately more acerbic than usual today because it’s expected for stupid journalists to have thick hides, that’s par for the course in most parts. Those that don’t run a risk of ending up as bitter, broken alcoholics.

Oh and before I go – I’m really sorry for that night when your premises got trashed by those bad men. Really. Everyone agrees that was very naughty. Now dry your eyes and get over it.

Finally can I just say that I’m really a nice man and not vindictive at all. Miaow.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Life is a game of numbers

On my way to work I came across an old man pulling a mkokoteni (handcart) full of timber planks up a hill. He was obviously overworked and I guess underpaid too. I paused sitting in the traffic to reflect on just how tough life is on many people especially in these hard times. When I got to the office I thought to myself, you know what Tamaku, things could be so much worse. So I started counting my blessings, because sometimes we focus on the bad and forget the good that’s in our lives. Here’s some of that good that I’m lucky to count:

I’ve still got 32 teeth, all my own

My cholesterol is 4, thanks Imelda for making sure I have my 5 a day

I’m on the right side of 40, so still lots of time to do stuff

1 brain that continues to work inside a slightly big head

I average 8 hours sleep every night easily not worried that our house sits on a shadily acquired plot of road reserve

I have 1 great colleague Sheila and 1 wonderful friend Mike from back in the day

George and I still manage to do it well at least 3 times a week without Viagra - Hallelujah!

Safaricom IPO (Ksh 5, now Ksh 3.65) was a lesson but it could have been Eveready shares

Only 3 months till I quit formal employment (yes, I handed in my resignation letter last week) – I’ll soon be free to follow my dream!

65 followers for this blog (including myself), thanks guys!

Blood pressure around 120/80

000’s squirreled away over the years, not in a Ponzi

7 times a week I remember to say Our Father - Amen!

Only 3 grey pubes around the scrotum, hardly a cause for concern

Over 150 facebook friends and 1 no-nonsense mummy

So, those are my digits. Tomorrow I might get trapped in a lift on the 12th floor with someone who is on the Waki List but I’m not going to worry about that for now. What do you count that’s good in your life? And not dick size please, I know many of you are so blessed in that area ;)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Rape of Kenya

Lions have been prowling Nairobi malls and streets in the ongoing Pride of Kenya exhibition. I think it’s a cool way to create awareness and raise some money for conservation.

This got me thinking about a piece of artwork that I’ve been planning on getting commissioned. It’s a large fibreglass model of an erect penis (the height of 2 adult elephants stacked, one on top of another and as thick as the trunk of the baobab trees along Kenya’s coast) which will actually be a water fountain. This will be spouting and pumping the water into another huge model of an arse (about the size of ex-President Moi’s Uhuru Park monument). Later we can add sounds of an entire village having a simultaneous orgasm. Like a giant’s roar aaaarrrgghh aaaraarrgh. I’ll ask some engineer friends on the viability of a device to simulate the jerking at the end. Also we can have the water dyed so that it looks like the real stuff – I hear you, maybe mix the water with wheat flour? Ok, we can even add salt, happy? I'm loving the detail, you guys are so creative….

The exhibition will be mobile going round the country to symbolize how Kenyan MPs continue to rape the country’s resources by their huge pay packets and still refuse to pay taxes. After the campaign we can just park the monument outside parliament with a huge ribbon as a gift. The irony of it is they'll probably fight amongst themselves to see who gets to keep it, their greed knows no bounds.

Maybe this is just a lame gimmick, so if you’ve got any insane ideas to shame these MPs please share.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Amateur Dramatics (same shite different day)

It’s been an eventful week especially if you are ex-KACC boss Aaron Ringera (Ring-error?) who finally threw in the towel. Who cares that he loves Shakespeare? All together now: Oo-oh-oh that don’t impress me much ! We were paying you 2.5 million shillings a month so you can sit on the loo during lunch time catching up on the classics? Did you not get to read King John, Oftentimes excusing of a fault Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse? Good riddance. And the other one who had quit earlier , the deputy Dr Smokin-far-from -hot -Wanjala . What shame, now exit stage left and don’t look back!

Anyway I don’t even pretend to do meaningful political commentary, I just prefer to heckle because I am so tired of our Establishment. Frustrated and angry is also how I feel. The other in this supporting cast is the ever-smiling AG Amos Wako (Whacko?) What medication could he be on that prevents him from doing his job? Dr Conrad Murray your services may be needed here. But this patient seems to have no trouble sleeping at night : (

A breath of fresh air is ICC prosecutor Luis Moreno-Ocampo, now there’s a true daddy! Nothing camp about him. No, no, no. OMG excuse me, fap fap fap, he looks quite hot too! I just hope he can come and take away the warlords many who are also thieves.

How was your week?