Friday, August 21, 2009

The men are all the same...

I've been very naughty this past week so I thought let's just end it how we started. This video pushes all my buttons, I think I was a podium dancer in a past life. Tina Turner is brilliant...

Lovely weekend all. xxx x

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tamaku Personals

'Gay prof Nairobi White male WLTM similar. 6ft tall, well-built, 32 -
35, likes gym, staying in or going out. Must be financially
independent. No twinks, prefer mature muscular, esp bbc and top for

A friend asked me to help him meet someone. If you meet the bill or
know someone who does then drop me an email at the usual place. Thanks.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Smelling lovely down there - The Washcloth

I've received an avalanche of emails from women ((ok, two) who choose
to do their men's laundry. It's a plea for help so I promised to post
it here so that the concerned menfolk (main culprits) can take
appropriate action:

'Dear Tamaku, I keep finding brownish streaks on my boyfriend/
husband's underwear, sometimes on our bed sheets too! I don't know how
to broach the subject because I assumed that grown men should have
learnt all about personal hygiene. Please see how you can assist.' -
Jane from Nairobi.

Ok first of all as everyone knows I have a wonderful policeman
boyfriend and he hasn't got that problem but I can understand how
revolting it is to view skid marks leave alone wash them off. Yuck!

So guys please take some extra care and scrub down there well until
it's fresh enough to lick (ehehehe) - simply soap and give it a
thorough rinse, repeat until washcloth is free of debris. You might
even discover you enjoy it (GAY! GAY!). And while you're at it also
wash your own underwear. Or else get a washing machine.

Jane and all women and men in similar dilemmas, you owe me bigtime! I
may call in a favour or two soon.

My good deed for the week is done.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tamaku photo 1

Photo of me and a female friend from our recent holiday on a coldish
beach in the north east of England. We had just written on the sand
'Tamaku was here' when it was nearly washed away.

Monday, August 17, 2009

3 advantages of taking it up the arse

(1) People won't hear your farts....

(2) Less constipation...

(3) You don't have to kiss while having sex if you don't want to....

Have a lovely Monday and week ahead guys.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Who is the sexiest politician in Kenya? Vote here...

I know the way you guys like polls so I’ve got a new one for you. The question I’m asking is which Kenyan male politician you’ve got the hots for: Choose between (in alphabetical order of second names) Uhuru, Kalonzo, Raila and Ruto.

The poll is on the left, it’ll run for a while (scientific research, lol!) and pictures of the hunks are below to help you decide.

Uhuru Kenyatta

Kalonzo Musyoka

Raila Odinga

William Ruto

Happy voting.

*******UPDATE*****This poll closed and the results were announced on this post.

My hangover lesson

Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix
Whiskey and red wine is not a clever mix

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Homo Erectus spotted in Nairobi bar

I was having a quiet drink last night after work while waiting for my George when a female beauty (random score of 50 points) invited herself to my table where I was seated alone. She said she was waiting for someone too so we shared a table and she even bought me a drink. After about an hour or so I was shocked to be invited to her pad for the promise of a good time, it would cost me only 20,000 shillings (expensive for Nairobi, I’m told so deduct 30 points for over-charging) for the whole night but I would 'love every single hot inch of it, daddy'. Meanwhile she didn’t leave any tantalizing descriptions out. If you were eavesdropping you’d have been driven crazy when she told me about her ‘vet’ skills in mouth to mouth for male chickens (50 points). Dear reader I confess I was turned on by this stranger but luckily I remembered that all these are just temptations of the flesh sent by the devil (ashindwe kabisa!) and my mind should be stronger that’s when I started breathing normally and regained my composure.

To be fair to her she was also extremely well-dressed (15 points), with an air of worldly sophistication (35 points) and would have easily passed for a successful businesswoman. And very well-spoken (25 points) I might add, I was mesmerised by her confidence and charm (30 points). Of course I declined the offer of sex from this young lady because I don’t remember how to screw with women – what goes where & how! You can forget you know, it’s not like riding a bicycle. Although on some pornos I’ve looked at it looks like that’s the idea some men have of sex.

Anyway she’d gone by the time George showed up but I told him about my encounter on the way home. So we started wondering: is there any difference between a high class prostitute and a low class one?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Mind games

Jeez, I can only think of boys, sex and beer - and it's only lunchtime
on a Wednesday!

What's on your mind?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'm... commiiinngg......

Surely the best from the number one diva. Try listening to it while moving your head and shoulders cobra-style and the finger motion for added attitude, 'do you have a problem?' Is there a problemo? OMG, I'm gay beyond redemption, hehehehee!!

Once in a while they let me come out....(Poor italics get abused. Please, not to be confused with Italians - not many are poor)

Monday, August 10, 2009

It's a tough job but Tamaku’s got to do it

George and I had a wonderful time. I had meetings scheduled in London for 3 days while staying at my brother Timmy’s in Esher. Initially George was to accompany me while visiting his sister who also lives in London with her family. However 2 days before we left Nairobi we had a telephone call to say that their youngest daughter was ill with swine flu which meant it wasn’t right to visit. Instead I asked my brother if I could bring a friend and he said yes. It worked out fine, my brother and his wife have two grownup children who’ve flown the nest so we had a room each to ourselves which was really hard on us both sleeping apart for the sake of appearances. On our last night there I couldn’t bear it so I sneaked myself into George’s room for a cuddle and squeeze but I fell asleep until the morning. When I got up to tiptoe on creaking floorboards across the hall back to my room I bumped into my brother’s wife Claudia coming out of the bathroom. The shock on both our faces said it all; I’m sure now Timmy knows the whole deal.

London feels like a home away from home for me, sadly we didn’t have enough time to revisit many old haunts. It was George’s first visit out of Kenya and it thrilled me to rediscover the delightful sights through his eyes even though the weather was being undecided. We even got to see where the real Queen lives and enjoyed a walk along Park Lane on a glorious sunny day. We went a bit wild shopping at Westfield mainly buying some le creuset cookware and Sabatier knives for our kitchen. Afterwards we went to meet George’s sister Alma for a sumptuous Italian lunch and 3 bottles of delicious white wine (yes, I started drinking again). We hit it off with Alma with no awkward questions and George was over the moon because he’d been agonising what she was going to think. Turns out Alma’s a delightful funny young woman and I believe a rewarding friendship lies ahead for us both. On our way back to Esher with shopping bags on the cab floor, we were kissing and holding hands like honeymooners and laughing and I enjoyed a nibble of Gee’s ear. We didn’t care, I got to know what our politicians' impunity feels like and the cabbie didn’t even bat an eyelid at us seated in the back. When the cabbie glanced on the view mirror he asked cheekily whether we were royalty from Africa and I said yes darling we are queens from the Kenyan Washoga tribe! I loved the freedom and safety of our anonymity. Thank you wonderful people of GB.

Our final week we spent with Kenyan friends Ron and Steve. They are a gay couple who are ‘married’ and living in North-East England in a beautiful flat with views over Newcastle’s quayside. I’ve known Ron since high school and they are both totally devoted to one another, George said to me watching them together is how he wishes gay men would be in a relationship. And he asked so many questions about gay married life I half-expected him to propose to me. Oh well, I can dream can’t I.

We spent some time looking around the sights (pics to follow) especially the breathtaking new steel and glass library in the city centre. Someone please start a petition: No more tacky bars in Nairobi’s CBD; we need a library badly. Anyway we also went to the gay bars dotted around the quadrangle of the Life Centre and even managed a session at a gay sauna (another post coming soon). Ron and Steve were marvellous hosts they even held a barbeque in the communal gardens where we met other gay and lesbian Kenyans and their English friends, it was fantastic. We had wonderful roast dinners and curries but it’ll be a long time before I forget our last teatime on their balcony overlooking the river as I ate through a box each of divine strawberry and clotted cream and all butter sultana cookies. We’ll be hosting many parties ourselves when some of these new friends visit Kenya this Christmas.

From Newcastle we took the train down back to London on the Thursday. I’d begged an old friend to chauffeur us to a special place where we planned to spend the last night of our holiday just me and George. We blew a chunk of my expenses budget at the Crazy Bear Beaconsfield but it was worth every penny, you should must try it if you get the chance. After dinner we just lay in bed talking, but I knew we both didn’t want the night to end.


Tamaku and George flew The Pride of Africa from and back to Nairobi. The service throughout was outstanding. (Now KQ PR department how about some complimentary tickets?)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I missed you.....

Hello fabulous people! I missed you bad, bad, bad. George and I arrived back in Nairobi from our UK break yesterday. We had a great time and I’ll post tomorrow about our holiday. I really missed you all, did you miss me? Well, we are both so pleased to be back home to friends and family. On the plane back we were listening to this oldish Phil Collins track on George’s ipod while sipping brandy. It sounded amazing as we cruised at 33000ft so I remembered to share it with you. My other fav while flying is Coldplay's 'Speed of Sound'. BTW have I told you all that I love you? It feels fantastic to be back here. Thanks so much for all your lovely wishes that you sent...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Kenyan gay is leading sex exporter

Am I the only one who was genuinely astounded to see the blog Kenya Gay Youth currently at number 1 in Kenya and in the top 20 blogs in Africa as ranked by our friendly gators? Perhaps I shouldn’t be because the adults-only ‘art’ featuring on that blog is the kind that sells big – now, now don’t all dash off at once. Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining, I've been a fan since the early days. I’m all for free expression and believe consenting adults should be free to make these choices. I wish I’d have thought of that myself! So, big up to gay young Kenyan for putting gay ‘art’ right up there. (That’s me trying to sound youthful but as everyone knows Tamaku is a lonely incontinence pants-wearing geriatric).

I see that the much respected and admired Bankelele has been relegated to number 2 spot, what’s the world coming to? Lol, don’t answer that question! I was tempted to headline this post as ‘Kenyan Gay Youth now sitting on top Of Banker’ but I stopped, thought it not appropriate.

Anyway good people, look out for my new blog called Hourly Adventures of Zakayo the Smiling Midget Whore before Condoms. It's a video now with remastered sound, so something else to come to.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Barack shows courage!

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release June 1, 2009

- - - - - - -

Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.

LGBT Americans have made, and continue to make, great and lasting contributions that continue to strengthen the fabric of American society. There are many well-respected LGBT leaders in all professional fields, including the arts and business communities. LGBT Americans also mobilized the Nation to respond to the domestic HIV/AIDS epidemic and have played a vital role in broadening this country's response to the HIV pandemic.

Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement, more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before. I am proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration. These individuals embody the best qualities we seek in public servants, and across my Administration -- in both the White House and the Federal agencies -- openly LGBT employees are doing their jobs with distinction and professionalism.

The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.

My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.


Great stuff! (My words)