Monday, June 8, 2009

Awesome Returns

They were back last Friday. Cousin Jim and his wife returned from a 3 week safari and I went to pick them up after work from outside the Stanley Hotel. Rhonda looked like she had slipped into and been retrieved from a vat of Ribena, a redhead’s tanning nightmare. In the meantime I’d started Imelda on the basics of making cocktails and she was now proficient in Martini’s and Tom Collins’. And they were both much nicer to Imelda, I think their sojourn in the spectacular butlered bushhomes of Laikipia and the Rift Valley had opened their eyes to the talents and homely charms of our Imelda. I hid my envy well when they described their stays at enchanting Lemartis and magical Ngerende. ‘I never knew places like these existed in Africa, I’d give my eye-teeth to live here,’ Rhonda’s exact words.

Our guests took me and George out to dinner on Saturday night. When my cousin asked we told him we’ve decided to cut out the booze and cigarettes totally from our lives. 8 days and 13 hours, cold turkey. Awesome. I said to cousin Jim and Rhonda and I think you guys should really think about it too. I was feeling the glory, oh the glory of the lord so I continued, ‘Especially for you Rhonda, unless you particularly want an underweight baby sporting a thin upper lip’. They both looked confused so I spent the next ten minutes explaining about fetal alcohol syndrome which I’d read about. When I finished speaking I noticed they both hadn’t touched their tumblers of Jack with just a splash of coke.

Then I said we used this website to help us stop the smoking. Because I’ve watched many movies moments like these come easy for me. I said, ‘Rhonda, you don’t want to ruin how you look. I’ve seen many, many beautiful girls who ruined their looks from drink and cigarettes.’ Mostly true but vibes borrowed, as film buffs will attest, from that scene in Casino with Joe Pesci (‘Nicky Santoro’) and Sharon Stone (‘Ginger’).

So I went to see them both off at JKIA last night. Just before they went through security Rhonda pulled me to one side and said, ‘What you told us about the smoking and the drinking, that’s pretty kick-ass Tamaku! Thanks so much and here’s something to remember us by.’ And I looked down to see her holding a little toy frog. ‘Please take care of Kermi until we meet again.’ Tears came to my eyes, I was so touched as I hugged my cousin’s wife and kissed her on the cheek: ‘Thanks Rhonda. You’re welcome anytime to stay when you come back to Kenya. I know you’ll beat the demons. You guys are awesome!’


  1. LOL at "I was feeling the glory".

    It was great they appreciated what you explained about the health issues that can arise out of smoking and drinking while pregnant.

  2. Hey Anon,

    It's good you were feeling the glory of the lorda!! And I don't collect money like some people who now have more than one job ;)....x x xxx

  3. I would have loved to see their faces as they avoided the alcohol before them. I see the movies must have paid off. I still doubt you are halting your promoting of EABL! My hat goes off to you for warning her I hope she heeds the awesome advice.

  4. I wouldn´t bet their frog on it...but it´s a start...the baby part, may help her find her way...but, it´s not easy (I speak from my own´s quite a trip, sobriety, smokeless sobriety).

    Abrazos to them and to you and dear George too.


  5. Hi Naughtie,

    It was a sight to behold. Shock tactics can be useful to bring a reality check. You better believe it, mimi na pombe na sigara tumeachana. I dug deep but now it's over 10 days and the cravings are fading, wish me luck. xxx x

    Hi Leonardo,

    I want to give them benefit of doubt; the desire to change is a starting place. We discussed how both need to seek medical help and I'm sure they'll succeed. It may take more than one attempt. In the meantime Kermie has pride of place on my computer monitor stuck on a blob of blu-tack! Have a lovely day too & JC, as we say in swahili 'siku njema' (good day). xxx xxx

  6. Wish you the best of luck with that. As you exit i make a grand entrance into the EABL gold member rank.

    Take care.

  7. hey not sure if you got my email....about HIV among the gay community. There will be free vct services at galck on friday and saturday please encourage people to attend. There will also be a forum on saturday at 2 pm where we shall discuss issues affecting us. it is a secure place please plan to attend. we have to educate and promote safe sex and be there for those among us who are already infected

  8. Hi Karis,

    Thanks. I'll respond shortly. Take care buddy.

  9. What a wonderful end to a phenomenal trip for the Awesome couple. My, my my, Lemartis and Ngerende are to.die.for! Kudos to you for showing by example. Cold turkey is the best way.


  10. Thanks Mama Shujaa,

    Yes, my mind feels clearer for it, I can see the benefits of no pombe! I'll do my best, one day at a time - it's all I say to people. One day at a time.

    You are right, there are some worldclass properties that have recently opened. I just pray the politicians don't mess things up again! xxxxx

  11. Firstly, well done on quiting - it takes a lot! Me - one year, two months (or about), not the booze yet, but the fags(I mean smokes, never will I quit the fags!)

    And glad they enjoyed their trip. I still believe Kenya to be the most stunning place in the world, and I've been to a lot of places before...



  12. Thanks Billy,

    I don't even miss the smokes which surprised me alot!

    Kenya's a great place as you say, shame about the politics ;(

    Cheers buddy. xxx


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