I had one of those weeks. Few things seemed on point, the dots just refused to align themselves. I was so glad when the weekend arrived. I also concluded that Kenny who works with Sheila managing our bigger accounts is a backstabbing brown noser. He came to see me on Wednesday, hey can we have an off-the- record, wearing a sheepish grin for my benefit in contrived servitude. Then he started outlining all these wonderful ideas for his department. His telescopic vision tells him he should be handling all the key clients since ‘I have longevity and because I’m a guy I won’t be taking time off to go have kids like Sheila will.’ I wanted to ask him where he heard that Sheila was pregnant but I didn’t because I know humour is wasted on the egotistic.
I was taken aback because Sheila is Kenny’s boss and she showed him the ropes when he started; now he’s after her job. And he’s using gender against her! Then he continued how he had wanted to tell me for the longest time and a day that ‘you are the best boss I could ever wish for, rah, rah, rah.’ When people start dishing out crap I usually zone out to the private video collection inside my head which is currently showing Lady Gaga ‘Just Dance’. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for nurturing ambition and I appreciate that schmoozing is part of business culture but betrayal is a no-no with me. When his lips stopped moving I was in the middle of trying on Lady Gaga’s black pvc thigh-high boots, so I nodded sagely stroking my tie and said I’d think about it then he slithered out of my office. Hatchet job done, so he thinks.
It’s an open secret at work that Sheila and Kenny had a fling about two months ago. She confided in me that she’d dumped him when he turned out to be a flop where it counts. You know when they say Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach, well apparently Kenny is the non-alcoholic ‘other beers’ of the bedroom! Warning to mums and dads who enjoy reading this blog out loud to Junior at bedtime please skip the next two lines unless you wish to answer questions on sexual dysfunction in men. Well Sheila tells me that Kenny even tried a daily portion of that herbal solution with extra vigour tonic as advertised in the nation newspaper classifieds in an unsuccessful attempt to cure himself off this malady (ma lady, I know you are understanding but it’s still no laughing matter!)
Parents of Junior who don’t want him to be like Tamaku when he grows up can resume reading from here: What Kenny doesn’t know is Sheila and I are on the verge of jumping ship to pastures new. More on that at a later post. We’re overseeing radical changes in the coming weeks including retiring some functions before we both leave. So for a little twist of the knife I’ll ask Sheila to break the bad news of his retrenchment to Kenny. I’m all for delegating tasks; you don’t have a dog and then bark yourself, no? No.
Oh by the way, the title to this post is in Polish. It means drama at the office. Have a great week ahead my friends!