Thursday, June 25, 2009

Is this the man with the biggest one?

I was at the barbers yesterday for the tried and tested number 1 all
round. The guy cutting my hair, Bernard or Bena for short always asks
'ninyoe' (Swahili for shall I trim?), while tracing a finger over his
sleek eyebrows. And I always say, 'No, Bena I won't let you practice
your eyebrow-shaping on me.' He shrugs his shoulders and says Tamaku
you need to loosen up,you're too conservative
. I may wear fishnets
under my suit to work, tend to my eyelashes with a mascara brush and
sport a tattoo of a smiling dolphin on my left bum but the eyebrow
thing is where I draw the line. Too gay.

So yesterday when he asked again I said no Bena and then added, 'but
how about you give me a trim down there!' It was just us two in the
salon that's why I could say it. Bena looked like he was going to pass
out so I told him I was only joking. Besides I only trust myself in
that area, normally also a number 1 all over (boring) while George
used to be Sahara but lately prefers to leave just a landing strip
(for a smooth take-off)! We are not fans of the organic jungle look.

Oh, the title is about Pater Nostra who says he has a big one.


  1. "tattoo of a smiling dolphin on my left bum"???....that one floored me, waaa, I've sareed you

  2. Tamaku,

    Eti your barber is called Bernard? Let me tell you a fact (And its the truth) - All my barbers have been called Bernard! Imagine that!From the one near home to the one with a salon at Nairobi Sport House, they are all Bernards or Ben.

    Why were you afraid to have your eyebrows trimmed?! My GOD! You are the ony crazy Kenyan I know who wears a fishnet to work? It can't be that weird!

    And who asks the barber to have his pubic hair shaved? Eeeewwww! Well, unless that same barber happens to be your beau (-;

    And how much do you think they charge to shave huko chini? I have heard of a Brazilian wax that does remove hair down there!

    Let me ruin people's lunches or breakfasts and dinners and say that I prefer 'All the hair, all the time!' (Said in the Jeff Koinange kinda way) and I have shaved only ONCE in my entire life! Yes, I like sporting some bush. Mine is more like an overgrown hedge! It accentuates the outline and can be a great turn-on.

    Speaking of 'futhi' (So maziwa ya Nyayo era that term), I was talking to anaa friend of mine and he tells me that after giving another bushy jamma a BJ, what does he see? Lice! Yes, chawa kwa futhi! PUKE! PUKE! PUKE!
    DISCLAIMER-Mine I ensure I shampoo and curl kit kidogo for that extra shine and look. Hata I changed to TCB Hair Gel to make it look sleek!

    And yes, I do have a big one! Very. And yes, I am that crazy! Could be the chocolate brownies(made with ganja) I had a dinner last night in South C.

  3. LOL @ everthing pater has said and thumbs up for using the very '90's kenyan phrase...anaa.

    yaani we used to talk like that anaa time!

  4. Tamaku there is a swahili song which goes"nani aonaye raha kinyozi na mnyolewa" hahha

  5. Hi Rox,

    It's a kidogo tattoo but as my ass gets bigger well so shall the dolphin. xxxx

    Pater Nostra,

    You obviously need a big one to peek over that hedge! They should offer the 'futhi'cut (imagine you are dragging me to this level...), what's the big deal, other men around so it's just another male bonding thing like sharing a steambath or sauna. xxxx

    Hi WildeY,

    That term sounds dirty, don't know why maybe it's because I used it last when as a kid (for some reason kids can't talk about pubes even though they know about them!). xxxx

  6. Hey Anon,

    I haven't heard the song, thanks let me go google it. xxxx


Hey you, leave a comment but don't just be an asshole about it - try to be decent. That said you are welcome to heap abuse or ridicule if it makes you feel better. However in order to get published it must not be homophobic, racist or sexist. OK?