History lesson of the future: Kenya, the Nation that liked to talk

Once upon a time there was a violent storm in a teacup after a gay wedding took place in a foreign land. When some people of a country called Kenya awoke to the news they were very, very angry. They started shouting, moving from radio stations to newspapers and then to the internet which they liked to use to watch porn now and again. Overnight every disgusted holy man and his favourite barmaid mistress had an opinion and amid much chest-thumping and preaching, they said how much they loathed homosexuals because God had told them to.

On the following Monday a building collapsed and crushed to death several of their fellow hardworking but poorer citizens who worked at a place called Kiambu. Back then building codes in Kenya were frequently flouted and although people had even been burnt to death in firetraps the majority pretended not to notice this fresh tragedy because money was everything, and anyway this was a country where such things were expected to happen.

Meanwhile the crowd that gathered was ranting and foaming over the gay wedding, perhaps because they had not been invited to the reception. They barked together, ‘Unnatural, Un-African and Against Religion,’ baying for the newlyweds’ blood whilst eating the body of Christ. You could hear the screeching over valleys where heavy rains in the night drenched thousands of nameless women, innocent babies and children who had been forgotten in tattered tents for months due to fighting which had broken out because someone did not know how to count nuts. The infrastructure repairs that had been covered like foundation make-up over a wrinkled face and paid for again by overtaxed citizens started to crumble.

But for now the industrious Kenyan people were busy thinking only about another place called Sodom. They sharpened their pencils with the machetes which they kept under their beds and wrote to newspapers: ‘We are a God-fearing and peace-loving Nation. It’s an abomination. We must all hang our heads in shame and could the friendly Mungiki behead those sexual deviants from London if they ever set foot here.’

History lesson to be continued tomorrow…..