Wednesday, October 21, 2009

History lesson of the future: Kenya, the Nation that liked to talk

Once upon a time there was a violent storm in a teacup after a gay wedding took place in a foreign land. When some people of a country called Kenya awoke to the news they were very, very angry. They started shouting, moving from radio stations to newspapers and then to the internet which they liked to use to watch porn now and again. Overnight every disgusted holy man and his favourite barmaid mistress had an opinion and amid much chest-thumping and preaching, they said how much they loathed homosexuals because God had told them to.

On the following Monday a building collapsed and crushed to death several of their fellow hardworking but poorer citizens who worked at a place called Kiambu. Back then building codes in Kenya were frequently flouted and although people had even been burnt to death in firetraps the majority pretended not to notice this fresh tragedy because money was everything, and anyway this was a country where such things were expected to happen.

Meanwhile the crowd that gathered was ranting and foaming over the gay wedding, perhaps because they had not been invited to the reception. They barked together, ‘Unnatural, Un-African and Against Religion,’ baying for the newlyweds’ blood whilst eating the body of Christ. You could hear the screeching over valleys where heavy rains in the night drenched thousands of nameless women, innocent babies and children who had been forgotten in tattered tents for months due to fighting which had broken out because someone did not know how to count nuts. The infrastructure repairs that had been covered like foundation make-up over a wrinkled face and paid for again by overtaxed citizens started to crumble.

But for now the industrious Kenyan people were busy thinking only about another place called Sodom. They sharpened their pencils with the machetes which they kept under their beds and wrote to newspapers: ‘We are a God-fearing and peace-loving Nation. It’s an abomination. We must all hang our heads in shame and could the friendly Mungiki behead those sexual deviants from London if they ever set foot here.’

History lesson to be continued tomorrow…..


  1. KTN just did something today that made me sick to ma stomach....You should have seen the Kiswahili 7pm news could have sickened you to death...The so called "journalists"led by one Mohammed ali(who by the way looks gay to me) pounced on the gay wedding article that the Nation newspaper published on sunday....They went to the parents of the said couple in Muranga....What those journalists did was total humiliation for the gay couple and at the same time exposing their parents to the ruthless world.....They had no shame calling us "mashoga and other crude names...
    They even brought an analyst, who i think is a Psychiatrist, who looked like he was born yesterday...saying gay men were result of child molestation...Washindwe!!! This journalists were behaving like they never heard of gay people...yet they were postively publishing a headlining article that there was thriving gay community in their pulse magazine
    on 9th october....Washindwee!!!

  2. Lol Tamaku, at least the sharpened machetes were intended only for their pencils. So maybe they weren't such bad people after all, in those days... :)

  3. Hi Sceptical,

    Let them remember that in the same way they judge others, they will be judged and the measure they use to judge will be used on them too. No sleepless nights for me. xxx

    Hi Anengiyefa,

    Those were the bad old days. Nowadays Kenya is an oasis of peace, just butterflies and sounds of birds singing everywhere! xx x

  4. well where are the so called Human Rightists werent the Rights of those two very old parents humiliated so why dont they take KTN and their journalists to task

  5. What's up with them? I didn't get an invitation either, and am not mad.

    True, they need to focus on important issues, get IDPs off the camps first, kill corruption then maybe we will believe them. Get your priorities in order "fake asses".

  6. Loving the narrative Tamaku... Talk about hitting the nail on the head!
    Hypocrites!! Oh and the guy who wrote the wedding article..we know a secret about him too..! but am saying nothing...maybe KTN should visit his folks too!
    And for the bible bashers, here's what ARCHBISHOP Tutu has to say in his book.."IN GOD'S FAMILY , THERE ARE NO OUTSIDERS. ALL ARE INSIDERS...BLACK, WHITE, GAY, STRAIGHT, MUSLIM, CHRISTIAN...ALL BELONG" and he goes on to say.."IF THE GOD I AM SERVING WAS HOMOPHOBIC, I WOULD NOT SERVE THAT GOD"... whoop whoop!

  7. Lets debate intellectually this unnatural lifestyle that you are celebrating here. I maintain that Homosexuals are extremely sick people who need help rather than celebration.

  8. Hello Blake,

    Welcome, I've long been expecting you. Please make sure you vote for your favourite cock, the poll is on the left. xx xx

  9. eiish Tamie, is that the Blake who was found with a butt-plug up his arse and wearing lipstick at that party before being kicked out by the goooogle peeps?

  10. Hi Tamaku,

    Very well written and hilarious to boot! Great talent. Love it. And just for the record, I am kenyan, not gay, and definitely believe that a person's sexual preference is just that, their sexual preference and not a personality trait and that we all are created in the image of god, not just some. Keep writing. "Society" always needs a good mirror to look into to see just how fucked up we can be in the name of tradition, religion and culture. Peace, Njeri

  11. Hi George,

    I believe he could be the same Blake who's still smarting from getting his other blog shut down. xx x

    Hi Njeri,

    Thanks, it's folks like you who make it all worthwhile. If only more people could stop hiding behind religion and tradition when in fact it is fear bred from ignorance that are the issue, the world would be a fairer place. Unfortunately that day may be a long way coming. Many gay people are just some of the victims of this unjust society, alongside the voiceless millions of poor people. Peace to you too. xx xx


Hey you, leave a comment but don't just be an asshole about it - try to be decent. That said you are welcome to heap abuse or ridicule if it makes you feel better. However in order to get published it must not be homophobic, racist or sexist. OK?