“I told you I was sick!” (RIP Kirima)

With the passing on of city tycoon Gerishon Kirima in South Africa where he had been taken for medical attention the public saga promised could see more twists and turns than the battle for the late Walter Kilele’s estate which took place years ago (google it). The opposing parties in the Kirima case will no doubt be locked in an epic scavenge over a billion-shilling empire. Someone’s been peddling lies about the assets being worth just 750 million, I smell an elaborate attempt to undervalue. Has Mr KRA been getting what’s due to him? Just a fleeting thought. Anyway some of the old man’s kids went to great lengths to gain exclusive access to their ailing dad, even isolating him away from other family members including the patriarch’s wife aka ‘evil, wicked’ step-mum Teresia Wairimu. Of course - silly me - it was never about the money so I’d expect the offspring to disappear back to their lives once the tears dry up and the funeral is over.

I think it was Katherine Whitehorn who noted The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. I agree. She also wrote why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time? Uh-huh. I’m sure I’m not the only one who noted the clipped upper crust accents of the Kirima brood when speaking to the media. Some of them appear to have had more than their fair share of crusty pies judging by the ample bosoms and over padded derrieres. Seeing and hearing is believing. I’ve always understood it to be a parent’s duty to raise kids with the skills to go and live their own independent adult lives. Obviously daddy Kirima provided too well, the only problem is that he also took too long to die. Call me cynical but I think this appears to have caused some of the clan considerable angst wondering how long before they would get their paws on all that money. I’ve coined a term for it, it’s called Delayed Inheritance Syndrome or DIS. Most commonly afflicted with DIS are lazy, overweight and petulant middle-aged brats whose wealthy parents are past 70.

Example of use

Giddy: I’m so stressed out because I desperately need money to buy new ponies for my polo team. God, why is daddy taking so long to die?!! Now the doctor says I’ve got DIS!

Jon: Aaaah, Delayed Inheritance Syndrome. Bro - tell me about it…