Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Shampoo

I was going to white-lie and say my safaricom line was crossed when I eavesdropped on two women sharing on the tricks of keeping a good man once you find him. The truth is I’ve heard this myth traded by superstitious Kenyans during many a drinking session. Apparently many women will stop at nothing to hold on to their man, the competition in these stakes is fierce. The props needed are a rolling pin and the dough to make chapatis. A good wife will never let the maid make the chapatis. The prescription is that once the dough is rolled out, these women will then climb atop the kitchen worktop and proceed to sit, yes s.i.t. on the flattened dough before cooking the chapatis. It’s what the doctor ordered (are you seriously asking which doc?), because once your man has partaken of these chapatis he’ll never go astray.

So fellas, next time you see a smartly dressed lady standing at the bank queue with shoes that have a mild sprinkling of white dusty flakes, don’t rush to assume it’s dandruff.

16 comments:

  1. "tastes like ass" just acquired a whole new meaning!

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  2. Well Tamaku,

    Am not sure they mean kukalia chapati in the real literal sense. Its just a saying....i hope. Usually its the manipulative nature of women that is referred to in this case. We have a way of being sweet and all nice and make men's hearts go mellow at the moment we want something, almost making the guy look like he is under some brainwash of sorts.

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  3. Hey Keguro,

    Lol! I wouldn't start to know....jeez, you people are going to be the death of me. Ati tastes like ass?! Now my day is all set. I'll try and drop the phrase during normal conversation, see what the office think! Nice day! x x

    Hi Mystic,

    I have this image of a fat ass adjusting on top of the worktop...I can't shake it off! Pray do tell those other ways...? Have a beautiful day x x

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  4. Hi Mama Shujaa,

    ...nauliza, huu ni ungwana? But I've also heard the men have some tricks up their sleeves..ehehehe. Thanks for bringing back the memory of Leonard Mambo, I loved listening to his programme as a child. x x

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  5. Oh so thats how its done... so when u sit on teh chapo, do u do it with or without the underwear? Just asking really......

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  6. Hey ydee,

    I think without, hence 'tastes like ass'! See Keguro, the phrase just rolls out...Have a lovely day. x x

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  7. Tamaku,

    Eti what? Sitting on chapos? And which part is sitting on it? The sussu ama sassa? (butt or you know what?)

    And I have heard about chapos only. Why don't they sit on ugali or mchele (can you even sit on rice?) Also they should sit on fruits (bananas, plums, pineapples [ouch!] and mangoes)
    While we are at it, how about some good old vegetables? (cucumbers & carrots are an option).

    Anaa question, is it just sitting and then rising immediately? Or they sit and do a little jig with the food? E.g. that chapati, akikalia anatingisha kidogo ama she wipes her sussu with it?

    Next time I am out, I'll be sure to smell that food before gulping it down. You never know, I might pick up something fishy. So if you invite me, don't feel horrified if I decide to smell the food.

    After all, the nose always knows!

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  8. Ydee you nasty!!! Why you wanna go and do that?

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  9. Hey Tamaku,

    You are such a pleasant read. I have hardly commented on your blog but do occasionaly drop by. Thought I should tag you for one of those honest scrap awards,keep doing your thing.Cheers! Maya

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  10. Hi Pater Nostra,

    That's very insightful of you! I'm bila words for you...ati sit on ugali (moto?) LMAO! I think Maendeleo ya Wanaume should lobby for open plan kitchens! I think the witchdoctor says you should do a little jig...amazingly no one has wondered about the dandruff. Should we assume everyone is shampooing 'there'? x x

    Hey Maya,

    Thanks so much! Does this award come with beer money!? Ehee..Let me go prepare acceptance speech.. x x

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  11. I've recently learnt of this supposed myth from none other than my gf as she handed me a bagful of... yap, you guessed it, the most tender tasteful chapos I've ever eaten.... And she even added a bloody twist to the story... Nasteee. But the chapos were so good, I can see myself sticking around if for nothing else.

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  12. Hi KK,

    Guy be careful, hii maneno ya vampire...lol! I'll have to stick around when George is cooking. x x

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  13. Heehehehehehe Pater Nostra, your description is so funny!! Made my aftee thanks.

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  14. OMG.. I stumbled upon your blog through some other ones and I have to say that you have made my morning. I just had the woman I love crush (what's left of) my heart but you are helping to bring it back. Admittedly I'm mostly reading about your happy relationship with George... but it's all good. Thanks!

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  15. Hi A slightly toasted sheep,

    You're welcome sweetie. Hope all goes well with your love. xxx

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