Wednesday, March 4, 2009

If I don't blog on Friday I have been arrested

I summoned the courage to call the policeman this afternoon. I suffered the wait of four long ringing tones before he answered his phone.

‘Sasa.’ His hello was calm, the breathing from both of us measured. I sensed he had been expecting my call.

'It’s me – Mike,’ I replied, using the name printed on my bogus business cards. It’s also my homophobic best friend’s inconspicuous name, a contradiction that makes it easier for me to remember my necessary lies. A cheap thrill.

‘What are you doing tomorrow night?’ I asked, then without waiting for a reply, ‘Can we meet?’ It’s a technique I regularly employ; two questions in rapid succession to maintain ambiguity.

‘Sawa,’ he agreed in response to my last question. His voice had that gentle masculine resonance that is music to my ears.

‘Where?’ I liked this guy already.

I had still not decided on a venue. I doubted it but I had to ask whether he owned a car, just to be polite. He didn’t.

Then a bolt from the blue. ‘Pick me up,' he said. Just like that. ‘We can go to my place for a drink'. Bingo. Road to Damascus.

So we settled on me picking him up at 7.30pm tomorrow night at a street corner outside a bank. Just before we finished he added, ‘Niko poa’ which translates to he’s ok but which I interpreted as ‘I am cool, don’t worry’. We are after all in the country of Hakuna Matata.

Afterwards my over-active imagination started thinking that perhaps I had just triggered the sequence of my abduction, followed by torture and ending in death. But I also know that nothing ventured, nothing gained so I’ll take my chances. However if I don’t turn up here on Friday with an update then those chances are that I’m in some serious trouble.

At the moment I’m quite excited as to what tomorrow night brings. I am fighting conflicting interpretations – he said ‘my place’ – meaning his home or did he mean his local pub? No doubt I’ll rearrange this equation in my mind a few dozen times before the date.

Wish me luck.


  1. as "teh gay" you are hilarious, not that i doubted a gay person would be funny. Ebu enjoy pancakes saturday

  2. This post is the like product of a wild imagination on steroids! My rational mind tells me that all this is, is a potentially exciting evening. Where did the "adbuction", "torture" and "death" come from? Even I am excited for you. Just be careful which lines you cross..."niko poa" could mean lots of things, but I suspect that in this case, it is in fact the hint of a green light. Nevertheless, keep your antennae fully extended and please, please blog on Friday!:)

  3. Anon 10:50pm,

    Thanks, am just hoping for other cakes tomorrow night ; )

  4. Hi Anengiyefa,

    The fear of discovery knows few bounds. I am also hoping and my keeping fingers crossed that all goes well. No worries, I'll have a fully extended antennae - I hope you'll appreciate the pun - lol!

  5. with such a big risk, why do you put yourself in this situation, i mean they may be a little reward but is the juice worth the squeeze. X

  6. All the best. Have fun. Be careful.

  7. Luck. I wish you lots of it and get lucky too...on behalf of us all :)

  8. Spyke,

    I know what you mean but how will I taste the juice without the squeeze ;)


    Thanks, I'll be careful.


    Luck and some pombe, I hope I don't chicken out! Thanks x

  9. Nakutakia kila la heri.Na ifikapo pale pale as Maina Kageni puts it,do not forget to wear the slippery sock.Take care.

  10. --Captive appeal!

  11. Hi M,

    Asante kwa ujumbe. Mambo ya pale pale bado..good advice.



    I like that..attractive policeman=jail. lol


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