Thursday, March 12, 2009

Together

I got up the next morning and went downstairs leaving George asleep looking so serene.I made myself a glass of carrot juice and wandered to the garden where the Jacarandas have refused to flower, my thoughts were all over the place. Why is this man who is sleeping upstairs like a lamb making me feel as if I have just arrived at the top of a hill pushing a heavy wheelbarrow? I never lied to myself that I am not successful in what I do, but I always recognized I was not special in anyway. I know many people in my life better than me craving some material things which came my way mainly through the generosity of parents.

I said to George as he took his cup of tea and fruit salad sitting next to me on the balcony gazing to a coffee plantation glistering from a light drizzle during the night: ‘I have not met someone who makes me feel the way that you do.’ And he put the spoon down and said he had in the past but I made him feel better. I answered that is fine, we are now together and we can forget about the others who did not want to make us feel we were also human.

George liked watching movies and I had work to catch up with, so I left him watching the dvds that I have from that sad boy-hawker who sells them outside Sarit Centre. When I reappeared to top up George’s drink as he lay sprawled on the sofa in the lounge, he silently looked up and my heart heard his beating, I want to live with you and nothing else matters. I retreated to the study and looked at the emails from work which I deleted and saw some others from thegaykenyan.blogspot.com that I replied to. All I could think of was how to be happy with George.

I made up my mind then because sometimes when you live unloved for so long you think you know; I knew this was not enough because he also needed to want the same and I went to George and said please we need to talk. George stopped looking at the television and asked why I looked serious, what was it. I took the remote from his hands - gently, I was conscious he might think I was trying to control him if I grabbed my remote.

‘You can see I have a house that should have a family but I live here just myself and Imelda. My family visit whenever they wish because they imagine my unfilled life is theirs.’ I didn’t need to finish because he said yes I’ll move in with you because here is much better than there and I know we’ll be happier. I wanted to kiss him on his lips, his honesty shamed mine but he also needed to hear from me.

I said, ‘We can live anywhere but at the moment please let’s live here. If anything should happen I feel you can take care of me and don’t think I would not be happy in a single room because I would so long as you are with me.’

Things continued moving very fast. Later in the afternoon after lunch I loaned George some money because he needed to hire a pickup to transport his belongings to my house. And I wanted him to know I trusted him so I also gave him the card that I don’t use together with the pin number. I said, ’When you want to buy something but don’t have cash you can use it, but please be careful.’ While he was gone to collect his things I rang cardcentre and told CFC bank to put a 10000 shillings limit and to sms me for any transaction over this amount.

My mind was spinning like a roulette wheel. What will I tell my family and my friends when they find out about George. I discovered no answers after 2 hours of digging, only a nagging disappointment that wondered whether I also agonised how they were living their lives.

29 comments:

  1. So my friend, I see you've been busy, so I'll forgive you his one time for abanoning me. You're on honeymoon after all, so what can I say...Alright, having read that, the first thought that came to my mind is...did you post it in order to seek the opinion of those who are in the know about you and George...I mean in relation to what to tell your family? If you want my opinion, the fact that they are your family means that they will care about you enough to want to see you happy. And if you're happy with George, your happines will show and will be noticed by those who know you and are close to you. The only problem I see is his job, and how youre going to deal with that, i.e. presumably he has to go to work in a uniform and I wonder how many eye brows that will raise, him leaving your house daily and returning too, in a policman's uniform..Just wondering out loud my friend...

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  2. My sister introduced me to this site last week and I have been following it since.Sometimes I get lost in your great description of events that I forget that this is someone's life.I always have to pinch myself and tell myself that this is REAL...TRUE STORY...I really like your writing style and your enlightning us on your life.I wish you all the best with George and am looking forward to reading more....

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  3. Hi Anengiyefa,

    I have been a little busy but I never abandon my friends. We are praying those around us see it your way (the rational way), we're just going to say nothing ourselves. Neighbours where we live don't even speak to each other which is just fine by us for now. Btw, I'll visit soon. x

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  4. Hello Anon,

    I do get carried away some time; my sister when we were growing up used to complain I made her bedtime stories too real she couldn't fall asleep after! And thanks for your kind words.

    x

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  5. Just thinking of the many times i have fallen in love, and the many times i have discovered - sometimes too soon - that i shouldn't have loved, i wonder: don't you think you made the decision to move in a tad too fast? Should such a decision be made when adrenaline (or is it testosterone) is still wildly pulsating in your veins? Has a way of skewing thoughts, testosterone.

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  6. I've been off line for a couple of days and then come and find so many interesting posts to read! All I can say Tamaku is if you're happy in the moment, go for it. I'm off to read your previous posts and in the process envy you and your hot cop :)

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  7. Tamaku i love your blog. Am just wondering if you've put yourself out there too much. you're offerin george alot in very little time. i hope he does not disappoint you cos it'll be very sad! with family..since they dont know you're gay, it could go either way. i pray they love you regardless. farmgal

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  8. Hi N,

    I probably did make that decision too soon. But I miss being in love and so I just let things be. Imagine I am more afraid for George to say he made a hasty decision; I can handle rejection because I am used to it in my love life. I hope we are right.

    x

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  9. Hi Wildeyearnings,

    Thanks for that. Don't be away too long, at the pace things are going we'll have grandkids next week! lol.

    x

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  10. Hi Farmgal,

    Thanks for your kind comments. I hate to disappoint anyone in life because I have been disappointed myself so many times. If it should happen then I'll make sure we are no worse off than where we began. At the moment it's all about George, making him happy as he makes me happy and just enjoying every day as it comes. We couldn't ask for more.

    x

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  11. Hey there. Boy, two days away and the whole picture changes. I wish you happiness and joy! That's all. You have to live you life and love as you see fit.

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  12. I'm reading this with tears in my eyes. My cynical psyche is seeing a rebirth. In this life full of sham and drudgery, love does exist. Hold on to it, Tamaku. You deserve all the happiness.

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  13. Wow man....si it was just last friday when you met him...and he's already moving with you after six days?....You guys must really love each other to bits.
    I understand your situation...for a guy who was unloved for such a long time and then suddenly meet his love of his life ...it can make one do extra-ordinary things...to make sure he doesnt lose him.

    So what happens if hes...(i dont want to be a sadist)...if he is transferred to another duty station far away from you?

    wish you the very best

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  14. I'm reading this with tears in my eyes. My cynical psyche is seeing a rebirth. In this life full of sham and drudgery, love does exist. Hold on to it, Tamaku. You deserve all the happiness.

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  15. Did I just miss a week of this epic lovestory or something? Child, breakneck speed has nothing on you! My two cents: just remember to take a pause and breathe - the thrill of love is amazing beyond measure.

    I can totally relate to your post - I'm currently basking in the warmth of new love with (wait for it...drumroll please) a Catholic priest who is just absolutely amazing.

    Float away!
    Wallace.

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  16. Hi Billy,

    Thanks, I feel it's just right.
    x

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  17. Hi Joe Kenyan,

    I used to be cynical but I think I turned the corner. Love is so precious I can't let it go this time.

    x

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  18. Hi gay young kenyan,

    We are taking baby steps now to nurture our relationship. I hadn't thought about George getting transferred. I could find myself in wonderful far places like Marsabit. x

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  19. Hi Wallace,

    It's wonderful that you can relate, am not the only crazy one here! And you found yourself a priest, WOW. Wish you well with your new love too.

    x

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  20. Tamaku,
    Whilst its good when something is going right.....am sitting here thinking..could this be real? Things hav moved way too fast... swim with the moment..but also take caution..enjoy my brother

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  21. Hi GNM,

    I value your advice. We are going to take things slow now. I just hope that if the worst should happen I can count on a few real shoulders to cry on.

    Thanks for that bro.

    x

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  22. wow, i mean like just wow.

    Spyke
    X

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  23. I think I love you tamaku but am a gal.

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  24. Is it me just being cynical or things are moving a tad too fast??
    Just my 2 penny thoughts!

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  25. Hi Spyke,

    Yeah, it's a been a little overwhelming. I learn new things about myself everyday.

    x

    Hello Anon,

    Thanks for the love! There's not enough of it going around. Peace. x

    Hi Naijadude,

    It feels like the natural place to be at the moment. If things change I hope it's to make us happier.

    x

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  26. I LOVE LOVE your blog. Your writing is superb! Ummm while i happen to be a helpless romantic i cant help but...(isn't ur relationship progressing a tad bit too fast) I still wish you all the best in ur new found love!

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  27. Hi Anon,

    Thanks for all the love...yes, we are now taking it slow. Just two people loving each other one day at a time.

    x

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  28. good luck, and hold onto that even if it's for the moment, if anything should happen (God forbid) at least you will have the memories of the two of you to keep you company :-)

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  29. Hi longlost,

    Thanks for your kind wishes. It's better to love and to lose, than to never love at all, is what I believe too.

    x

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