Thursday, May 28, 2009


I’ve been thinking how finally I seem to have struck a good balance between my home and work life. George is happy, working hard and I am also doing my thing and happy.

Yesterday was my colleague Sheila’s big day. She recorded an interview for TV, which can be a nerve-wracking experience the first time you face the cameras. We’d spent the first two days of the week prepping and going over and over the same detail but she was still a bundle of nerves when the crew turned up at our office. It took just 5 takes and I am sure it’ll be received as a brilliant piece when it airs mid next week.

While the filming was going on in the boardroom, I ordered peppered roast beef sandwiches and vegetable samosas and Norma prepared ginger tea for me and a flask of coffee black just the way Sheila likes it. She came into my office when she finished filming and I could see a faint sheen of perspiration on her neck. Sheila had refused me to be there during the interview, she said I’d make her nervous. Although she said how much she’d enjoyed herself, it was clear the morning’s excitement had also sapped her energy. She sat across my desk and sighed, saying her high heels were killing her from all the standing around.

So I drew the blinds shut inside my office and I asked if she wanted me to rub her feet or shoulders since she was obviously exhausted. I know it’s scandalously outrageous, but this is how it is lately between the two of us. No one could see into the office and she also rubs my shoulders now and again when I’m tense. I can’t even remember where we crossed the line. Anyway Sheila said yes please do and kicked off her shoes. I took her stockinged size six and a half feet in my hands and started to rub the tension away as she carried on talking. After about fifteen minutes of this we both didn’t feel like being in the office and things have almost ground to a halt around here, so I picked up both my jacket and Sheila’s poncho and lied to reception that we were going for a client visit for the rest of the day. I needn’t have bothered, the guys were more interested in the platter of sandwiches that had gone untouched and which I offered them. We hadn’t discussed where we were going, just that it was for a quiet drink. Sheila drove her car and I followed in mine to her place along Lantana Road.

When we got inside Sheila’s 3rd floor apartment, you couldn’t fault her taste in furnishings or décor. She opened a couple of bottles of red, brought out the cheese board and we started dancing and trying to sing first Anita Baker's Caught up in the rapture (six times) and then Counting Crows’ Accidentally In Love (four times, volume turned up) from the lyrics in the cd jackets. It felt so indulgent doing this at two in the afternoon while most people were happily slogging away, but it won’t come as a shock to learn I didn’t feel any guilt. I was feeling so safe and cosy because I really really love my friend I can’t even start to tell you now, and there’s only that one secret between us. Then we sat on the settee and carried on talking about work and stuff, mainly she was talking because I like to listen more so that I can remember things. I was just resting my head raised on the arm of the settee and Sheila was twirling my tie which I’d removed, through her fingers. We were sipping the spiciest South African Shiraz and I could even smell the Thierry Mugler’s Angel on her. That’s how intense it was. I couldn’t think of anything except what an amazing person I’m listening to and I started to see she more than just likes me. The voice inside my head kept me in check, Tamaku, all these beautiful creatures are sent to try you…

Anyway so sorry to disappoint, there are no juicy bits yet because nothing happened and I don’t think anything will ever happen, we just chilled for the next two hours and I was careful not to drink more than two glasses although Sheila didn’t hold back. The party for two was interrupted by the buzzing intercom. It was the caretaker of the flats who wanted me to move my car and I knew it was time to leave. Sheila came to see me off at the parking and I was soon on my way home. Along the way I came across the mangled remains of a midnight-black Audi Q7 driven by teenagers that had collided with the back of a truck; such senseless carnage on our roads every day. The young dead were still strapped inside the car and I felt an overwhelming sense of grief thinking about their families. RIP poor kids.

At home over dinner I told George about everything I’d been up to in the afternoon, and now he says he wants to meet this Sheila (pun unintended) I’m spending so much time with. I said yes, we must arrange something.

Later I was trying to fall asleep lying in bed next to George but my mind was still ticking away. I couldn’t get the memory of the day with Sheila out of my head and I felt as if I’d brought a part of her home with me.


  1. Sheila is lucky to have you. They have a word for people like her - fag hag, is it?

    Those poor kids, man, it is sad to have their lives end like that.

    Requeiscat in Pace +

  2. Hi Pater Nostra,

    But she doesn't know about the other part. Soon I'll have to come clean. When, I don't know. On the part of our roads, seriously this is a crisis. People continue to be injured and die needlessly, who will sort out this madness? Have a safe weekend. xxx x

  3. Tamaku, is she perhaps stirring that latent heterosexual inside you that's lurking somewhere in the shadows? :)

  4. Hi Anengiyefa,

    Trust you! That's a can of worms I am refusing to open for now. Infact let me post you a vid, let's forget about this for now. xx xx

  5. Madness it isn´t in the friendship department...aren´t people wonderful (mostly)?

    Now the thugs here have taken to shooting the bus drivers and their ¨helpers¨ (the fee takers and stuff loaders on the top of buses) if they don´t pay a weekly fee...there is so little real security in this country and punishment is rarely handed out (fee´s are paid elsewhere). We literally have almost no motorcycle cops or drunkdriving arrests...well, you can imagine what goes on in the land of free for all.

  6. Hey Leonardo,

    It's so sad. Even the security agencies will struggle to cope with swathes of marginalised people in their own countries. I never advocate violence (there's too much at stake and only the innocent would suffer) but governments need to find better ways to re-distribute resources. Have a great weekend buddy. xx x

  7. There's something so deep about what you've written... sigh. Get that one little secret out of the way and lets see how it goes.....

    About those kids. Sad. RIP.

  8. Tamaku you're in 'trouble'...thats an intense post :)


  9. You see? You CAN get attracted to women!

  10. Dangerous territory!! Do you think there's a side of you that you havent checked out yet? ;)

    I will try and catch up on what you've been upto with George lately!

  11. Something seems to be cooking...

  12. Hehehehehe! I am waiting to see how this goes.

  13. Tamaku
    Nice post (and posts in general). Things I like
    1) You have a good cyber name. It has a nice ring to it.
    2) You returned from your studies abroad to help build Kenya.
    3) You treat your staff humanely ie Norma.
    4) You are equally at home in a traditional urban African setting as well as a European one.
    5) You are living your life in an African context (that can't be easy).

    I do have a question.
    Police around the world are known to be homophobic (generally speaking) even though it may not be official. I would think that the Kenyan police are no different.

    The little from what I've seen of the Kenyan police, they look more like the army, dressed all in green, carrying automatic weapons and riding around in jeeps ( I remember reading clips of how they were dealing with the Mungiki criminals, it was quite shocking, I'd never have associated such scenes with Kenya, more like Nigeria). How does George cope (in such a homophobic environment)? I'm sure the police must have social functions where their partners are expected appear.

  14. Hi ydee,

    I told George I love him about 20x last night, he asked what's the matter. Good thing he is so busy he rarely goes online, when he does it's only to check mail. He also asked me last night what I'm blogging about these days, I said just work stuff. But I love him, that's not in doubt. xx x

    Hi Anon,

    I suppose I can get attracted to women but I'm still a gay man. xxx x

    Hi Naijadude,

    I'm wondering myself whether there's a side I've got locked away that wants to come out? One day at a time. xx x

    Hello M,

    I hope things work out in the long run. Thanks. xxx xx

    Hey Mama,

    I pray the gods are kind to everyone! xx x

  15. Hi CodLiverOil,

    Your observations are not off the mark though I must say I am mainly living life as a Kenyan in an urban setting (don't know whether you've been here, Nairobi is very cosmopolitan).

    From what I'm told by G, the police have bigger fish to fry. The homosexuality issue is very low on their list of priorities, it may not even exist. The police here are grappling with runaway violent crime, we've entered the realms of kidnapping rackets for instance in recent days. Uniforms across the force are varied depending on the agency (crack response units, traffic, general, diplomatic units etc) some wear camouflage! I agree it can seem scary but the challenges police are faced with (eg Mungiki), I don't even have the words to describe the violence they (villains) are capable of.

    George copes well, he's in the traffic department which is hardly hardcore policing! He says colleagues are fine with him, they don't know he's gay nor do they have cause to suspect. He's your average guy on the streets. At his level it's not likely that we'll be invited to the Police Commissioner's table so we've one less social engagement to worry about.

    Thanks for your comments. xx xx

  16. Hey peeps, I'm sorry I haven't been on the ball replying to comments since yesterday, internet connection was sluggish ;(

  17. Hi Tamaku,

    Some pretty hot stuff going on there. Be careful that Shiela does not end up getting hurt. This may not be a biggie for you but you never know the extent of her feelings towards you.

  18. Hi Mystic,

    Hurting Sheila is the last thing on my mind. It's driving me crazy trying to work out what to do, something has changed. I owe her the truth at least. Have a lovely evening. xxx

  19. Tamaku dear, why was i at the back of my mind anticipating some hot sweaty drunk afternoon sex btwn you and Miss Sheila?!! I blame mills and Boon. lol!

    Sheila may have an inkling that you are gay... coz you been that close to her and not making a move can keep a gal thinking and rethinking that cozy scene until.... gasp!!!

    Here's my .02ct on whether or not to tell Sheila.
    Why not ask her jokingly at first what she thinks of gay men, or what would she do if she found out you were gay?
    Then gauging from that, it will help you to know whether or not to swing out of the closet with the rainbow flag blowing.

    Bon Chance!!


  20. Habari Kelitu,

    'hot sweaty drunk afternoon sex btwn you and Miss Sheila?'....I wouldn't know what to do with those bits! Or is it like a riding a bike, you never forget? lol! xxx xx

  21. Tamaku
    Many thanks for the reply.

    I've not been to Kenya, but have met many Kenyans both in the UK and now here in Australia. So I'm aware of the Arabic influences, Somali peoples, South Asian peoples (India etc), Europeans not to mention the indigenous Africans that all comprise the peoples of Kenya.

    Seems the Kenya police are doing what police should do deal with the 'serious' stuff first.

    Good to hear both he and yourself are doing fine.

  22. Hi CodLiverOil,

    You're welcome. Hope you can make a trip one day, visit the parks, beaches, lakes etc etc - I'm sure you'll love the people too. Have a great week ahead. xx x

  23. tamaku, tamaku! watch it! this post made me laugh! like mystic said, make sure that sheila doesnt get hurt ( and i'll add, george too) she may be very attracted to you. she may actually not even think you're gay, but just a nice guy taking things slow. lol! but im glad you enjoyed yourself, i was reading that description with such envy.

  24. Good morning Amelia,

    I'm watching it. In the last few days I realised how much George means to me too and how much I'd lose from making the wrong move. I could lose it all in an instant. And for Sheila we have a connection, I just need to make sure she doesn't think it's more than a friendship one. So many turns to watch out for...Have a lovely day. x x x x


Hey you, leave a comment but don't just be an asshole about it - try to be decent. That said you are welcome to heap abuse or ridicule if it makes you feel better. However in order to get published it must not be homophobic, racist or sexist. OK?