Sunday, March 29, 2009

Kenyans addicted to secret gay sex

I am so tired right now and sleepy. George went out last night alone to Carnivore for Kamba night. He came home at 3.30 in the morning to find me in the lounge drinking my 8th glass of Drostdy-hof red while nodding to R-Kelly Home Alone. George was alot worse for wear when he hi sweetied me; I was so relieved to see him after hours of anxious waiting. God please also answer our prayers for a lot of rain. I thankfully supported my inebriated boyfriend upstairs and put him to bed where he kissed me I love you. Imelda and I spent today administering endless juices and spooning George baby chunks of fruit salads to fight the monster hangover he was suffering. My cherished role as lover-carer gives me so much. G seems fine now, asleep upstairs where I’ll re-join him shortly.

Anyway…some readers have sent me strongly worded emails to say they are opposed to any attempts to decriminalize homosexuality even though they themselves are gay. I deciphered these opinions to be a question as to why anyone would be rocking the boat while life remains perfect for them. Apparently the status quo is preferred and any changes to bring homosexuality to the open would only spoil the fun.

Incredibly it seems that the clamour for gay rights does not have the full support of all gay people. It appears this allure of anonymous or illicit sex that is labelled illegal remains more powerful than the quest for any protections under the law.

Has the law inadvertently spawned a swathe of men addicted to secret gay sex happy to remain that way cushioned in a false sense of security inherent in these arrangements?

13 comments:

  1. Of course ¨secrets¨ can be fun...they can be exciting in many ways (even improves the allure of the ¨objective of interest¨ sometimes)...it´s not only a homosexual thing...the part that interests me is that some of your readers would prefer to ¨vulnerable¨ under the law than be treated equally and justly...some folks loved being abused, being a victim, oh the blaming and shaming of it all...deflecting doesn´t work, no not in the long run, finally, one must stand up and say, this is me, the AUTHENTIC version of me (even if it is only to ones self). Coming down from the last row in the balcony is nice, it just takes some getting used to when one see´s better...sharper edges, in the light...and ALL the clarity! YIKES!

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  2. Hi Leonardo,

    Perhaps we are afraid of these 'sharper edges' being too used to the dark the sudden light may 'blind' us. Hmmm interesting view. x

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  3. Tamaku,

    When you mentioned that George was at the Kamba night, my eyes widened! My beau was there too but he, like George, went alone. Kwani they think we cant do such stuff together as a couple?

    To the heart of the matter now; when I read your last two paragraphs, an adage came to mind 'Forbidden fruits taste sweeter.'

    Could this be the case?

    I am sure you are a well-grounded and rounded person. Despite the prevalent laws against homosexuality, we still live life to the fullest.

    Even in those countries that have draconian laws and inhumane punishments for being gay, there are still gay people.

    At the end of the day, it you who decides and not some law on how you will live. We must be ourselves no matter what.

    Perhaps yes, the law will lift many restrictions but will that make people change their risky behaviors? Maybe to some. To others, regrettably, no.

    I am living life to the fullest and were homosexuality decriminalized, I wont now start cheating on my beau and/or start sleeping around. I'll stick to him forever.

    Yes, I am looking forward to that day but let us not forget to live for the present moment.

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  4. African gay men (most of them) have imbibed the false notion that homosexulity is wrong. This is also the reason why denial and guilt feelings are widespred among gay men.

    Engaging in homosexual activity for many, is always something of the "exciting illicit temptation" to which one succumbs from time to time. Its not surprising that there are gay men among those who trumpet homophobic abuse. Even men who are so very gay, prefer to be seen in the public eye as being happily heterosexual. I'm utterly flummoxed by the hypocrisy.

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  5. Hi Pater Nostra,

    George wanted us to go together but I have this aversion for noisy crowded places so he went alone. What you say is so true, we shouldn't forget to live life now, no guarantees about tomorrow. x

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  6. Hi Anengiyefa,

    Nice to hear from you after a while!

    Majority of African gay men punish themselves further by choosing not to acknowledge their inner voices. And of course that old chestnut of the illicit being sweeter.
    xx

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  7. I think I understand the confusion...it isn´t so much the ¨being legal¨ part as the temptation/threat to ¨be out¨ that is being voted against...I suggest the two things remain seperate as long as we have folks around us that would harm us (part two)...being PROTECTED is the key, afterall, even the most ¨careful¨ of us are sometimes exploited or worse...this is not about sex, this is about responsible protection...but, naturally that may require some real activist folks take some real risks (and many have and do).

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  8. Hi Leonardo,

    It would take a long time, many times never, even under legal protections for some gay men to want to live their lives openly. I guess we are back to choice. x

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  9. Different folks, different strokes... As much as I fought for equality in the 'old South Africa' for both all people as well as gay people, you will always find someone that is opposed. Not that I'm trying to compare the two, just saying that someone will have a different opinion to yours.

    You just keep the good fight going - it is worth it at the end of the day...

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  10. Hi Billy,

    The promised land seems a long way off but it's something I am passionate about. We count on all the support we can get. Thanks. x

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  11. I think being gay for many centuries has been so hush hush and a secret lifestyle to so many even those in gay relationships, that for some the very fact of being 'outed' so to speak and living life openly, even with legal prtections, seems overwhelming. you may find even with legalisation and protection and insurance and medical protections, many will still prefer to live secretly. im afraid for some the allure of being queer and being part of a secret lifestyle is just exciting and thrilling and they would not wnat to be "normal". does that make sense.

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  12. Ha. I too was at the Kamba night, and boy was it kicking :-) As shallow as this is going to sound, if George happens to be one of them numerous fine men who graced the event, dancing with abandon, then Tamaku you got yourself a keeper!

    Wallace.

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  13. Hi Wallace,

    Lol! I hope you kept your hands to yourself! Hmmm next time I'll tag along and eye the fine men dancing (I'm a wannabe student of dance, you'll understand, Ahem!)x

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