Friday, September 18, 2009

Please see my CV and help me get a job

Hi prospective employers, please find attached my CV. You can send me your offers by email. I'm available for interviews most nights. Thanks xxx xx


Tamaku CV

Age: Legal

Sexual orientation: Very gay

Languages
: English and pure Sheng

Key Skills

Dicking, bend and snap after some drinks, shakin it, ass poppin and dropping it like its hot with my boyfriend George. We come together (the best way).

Interests


I enjoy exposing myself in gents’ toilets in Nairobi bars to show off my package and getting free trebles on a Friday night in Westlands. Occasionally we have a grope with my colleague Sheila just to check the equipment is still in working condition for women who might need some attention. I also enjoy the attention of all my blog friends but I want to touch some of them inappropriately one day.

Career to Date

From: June 2009
To: Current
Company: Camp David Strippers of Nairobi, some blogging.
Job Title: Certified Wench of Note
Key skills and activities: Versatile, hot, hot, hot. Being able to move and throw some pant poppin shapes. Brilliant customer servicing and keep them coming back.

From: March 2006
To: June 2009
Company: Tamaku Inc
Job Title: Sexual Healer
Key skills and activities: Training gay men how to blow and stroke hot bots while studying porn in local cyber cafes without being spotted. Advanced technique in hand jobs while driving along Uhuru Highway in rush hour traffic. Ability to perform complex origami shapes using just my toned butt cheeks. Also avoiding getting diseases which has been successful so far.

From: January 2004
To: February 2006
Company: Nuts & Screws in Nairobi
Job Title: Sampler
Key skills and activities: Showing Nairobi gay boys how to look tight and what they should be looking for in other men.

19 comments:

  1. Bwana Tamaku,

    Cum wank for me on a trial basis?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Tamaku, I'm afarid you are over-quaified for this particular position, but should anything come up in the future you will be the first to be considered. By the way don't call us, we will contact you when the need arises. In the meantime thanks for applying and do have a great weekend. Kind regards..

    ReplyDelete
  3. uuuhmm. we the dick suck co. find your cv. fitting and thus invite you for an interview to lead to inappropriaties later. we are located on sleaze street, sexth floor queer house. we expect you there at happy hour for plumbing maintenance. be punctual.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is getting too exciting for me...may be better than a weekend for 20 in Puerto Rico and/or West Hollywood...yikes!

    ReplyDelete
  5. George,

    What kind of cheap slut do you take me for???
    Ok, when do I start? xxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are happy to offer you an immediate placement within our organization. We are willing to cover all costs in lieu of notice from you previous employer. The remuneration and benefits package is competitive and in accordance to your experience and qualifications.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha ha ha Tamaku. With that experience, an interview isn't even necessary. I'm offering you a job ( with benefits) immediately!!!

    Nice to catch up on all your posts nafter a long while.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Now tamaku....You should be crowned the best gay comedian of the century......besides that you are one tough sex addict...i wonder how George handles it.!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Anengiyefa,

    Thanks for your reply. We also offer our services pro bono for deserving cases ; )
    xxx

    Hi NF,

    Your offer will be considered. Make sure your offices are sound-proofed :) xxx

    Hi Leonardo,

    No project too small, lol! xxx

    Hi angelandimp,

    I see you haven't mentioned any days off, holidays etc...(kwani ni 247 at it???) xxx xx

    Hey WildeY,

    Long time. Did I tell you rugby teams are my speciality? I'm on my way cumming..lol... xxx

    Hi Sceptical,

    Hey thanks! George handles it just fine never through gritted teeth..xx xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. We, the Narcissus Conceitus Group, like your CV, and would like to verify some of your skills and expertise. We invite you for an interview. Come naked. 'Tools' will be provided.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Y'all are crazy! Crazy funny! Hi T, how you doing?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Narcissus Conceitus,

    I'll come naked as your name is quite a mouthful - not complaining by the way. xxx xx

    Hello Anne,

    Much missed, we are better. xx xx xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tamaku wee ni mwenda certified, lol!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hey Rox,

    You don't know how close you are to busting my identity! ;)
    xxx
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  15. You've cracked me up...kali sana

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey glo,

    Pilipili ndio kachumbari ;) Thanks hun!
    xx xx x

    ReplyDelete
  17. So I am sure you have had many offers so share them with us,wewe kweli ni ha.....

    ReplyDelete
  18. George you could run a school for the girls.. We do need to know how to suck properly. Think of it as CSR- service to mankind

    Miss Misteeq

    ReplyDelete
  19. I've been going back reading your posts, and they're so refreshing! :-)

    ReplyDelete

Hey you, leave a comment but don't just be an asshole about it - try to be decent. That said you are welcome to heap abuse or ridicule if it makes you feel better. However in order to get published it must not be homophobic, racist or sexist. OK?