Friday, February 5, 2010

Big Car, Small Dick

Tuesday afternoon I was standing in a queue at the bank. There was a man ahead of me at the counter getting serviced served, he was being quite loud so much that everyone could hear his business.

So there he was, standing in dusty shoes and wearing a mismatched suit which are sure signs of the Kenyan billionare, wobbly belly swaying over cantilevered trouser-belt which is the third sign of Nairobi's obscenely wealthy. I was wondering how much money you'd have to get paid to sleep with someone like that (zillions at least) or how much alcohol do you have to imbibe before you can do it with the lights on. Meanwhile his short, chubby but surprisingly athletic fingers (It's not the size of the finger that matters, but the size of the ring. Lol, big fat lie!) were banging away to the annoying crescendo of the note counting machine as he transacted small fortunes across multiple accounts, setting up standing orders, getting bankers' cheques and just for good measure he also drew a few hundred thousand 'to pay the workers, haha ha ha'. I even saw him slide the cashier a couple thou, for lunch. The people in the jittering lunchtime queue were far from impressed. BTW, my bank offers me teas and coffees while I'm waiting but nowhere to powder my nose, where is the sense in that?

After 'beached-whale trucking mini-waterfall-cascading-down-the-crack-of-bum (lovely sweat, mmmm)' waddled out of Barclays the young woman behind me muttered: 'These sad men who want people to notice them - it's all about the size of the cock!'

Just be yourself, you are somebody and the world belongs to you too. Glenn Jones


  1. This made me smile. Its reminiscent of so many of my countrymen. And woe betide you if you let on that you noticed, but weren't impressed :)

  2. So the size matters? Size of the bank balance, I mean? I think sometimes we rush to jump to conclusions about people based on their obnoxious behaviors. I bet there are too many men who are well endowed and still act like prats.

    Oh and I use the word 'bet' un-literally. I just lost a potentially adulterous bet during the Ghana and Gunners double header.

    Maybe Beyonce was onto something when she sang about huge.. er.. egos.

  3. That guy is something else..

  4. T,

    Nimechekaje?! Kinda reminds me of the notion that well built, gym-working out guys, have small penises as compared to those who do not work out. So true!

    But true enough, money makes even the most ugly looking bloke, beautiful!

    Speaking of beautiful, notice anything with my picture? Ehe? ((-:

  5. Hahaha this is funny! I swear...


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