The news that Kenyans wishing to set foot in Dubai will need to possess a minimum of a Bachelors degree (no diplomas, please) has caused great concern to many who travel there, especially on business. It seems an overreaction for the UAE government to subject Kenyans to this collective punishment just because four of their ‘royal’ nationals were recently booted out of Kenya.
Earlier this afternoon it struck me that perhaps these new rules should not be seen as an act of aggression. I’ve concluded that the rulers of Dubai are only acting out of deep love for Kenyans and with our welfare utmost in mind. The Emirati are so concerned that we are clogging up our roads with their cheap second hand cars to the detriment of our own motor industry. Most of these cars have almost had it by the time they get here, damaging the unspoilt Kenyan landscape and blackening our blue skies. Our Arab friends also hate to see hardworking and enterprising young Kenyans wasting their lives away slogging for them as overworked domestic servants and in their hospitality industry. The logic is that they know how much Kenyans are drawn to bright lights and tall glass buildings so they’re saying, go get yourself a university degree and then we’ll let you come to our country. On their part the Kenyan government should get cracking and create lots of jobs so that the degreeless do not have to travel to this Gulf State chasing menial jobs just to survive.
Meanwhile, Kenya’s Foreign Minister has been dispatched in sackcloth to go wash the feet of the besandalled royalty. We are told that while he’s there he will also attempt to ‘clear up this misunderstanding’ which is diplomatic-speak for I can’t believe these c**ts are behaving in such a childish way.
So try and remember that the Emirati really do love us Kenyans, some of them just have a different way of showing this love. Take for example how one of their royals was captured torturing a man - including feeding him sand - in the video below. Given this overwhelming evidence, of course justice was duly served. Lovely country, can't wait to get back - now, where did I put that degree certificate?