Someone needs a doctor (this is the end of Lavish living)

Monday night 7th March I was driving home at about 9pm listening to The Jump Off on Homeboyzradio, hosted I think by Corine. By the way Corine is a killer DJ with mad skills if you like your r n b and rap. I was in my white shirt and tie from a meeting but now feeling like a gangster listening to Black & Yellow, Eminen ft Dr Dre, and the ilk of Rihanna, etcetera etcetera. I can still hear Dr Dre in my head - I started this gangster shit and this the motherfucking thanks I get. And, Ring Ding Dong. I bet you only true aficionados will appreciate Me Against The world and What You Won't Do For Love by Tupac. But the best poetry ever must be from Tupac - you claim to be a playa but I fucked your wife. Ouch, Biggie that must have hurt. Before I forget, Nate Dogg, who went to be with the Creator 15th March 2011; RIP son, you were the true regulator. People in my professional circles would be dismayed to discover my tastes in music, lol. Sorry to digress but DJ Corine always sounds extra perky, sassy like she's clenching a mechanical rabbit to death. For the record I love a girl without a speed governor who knows girls should also enjoy sex by taking control and going on top. Factual. Yes, indeedy I do.

I was feeling very horny about Gee and me, reminiscing how things were so sweet between us before Lavish and the way I messed up. My team members at work say I've become a real arsehole to be around. I know it's only because I haven't had any gay sex in 2011 although I had an ego boost boning one of Kenya's finest - Lavish Maingi. As a result my confidence is now at sky-high, I feel like I have the world at my feet. On the home-front George and I are now on 80% normal talking terms but still sleeping apart. We got stewed together Saturday night on Skyy vodka and cranberry juice while re-watching a DVD of that disturbing American comedy Testees. If you haven't watched it then I suggest you do so asap, it's one of life's sexless orgasms. That night we started to reconnect again, we cuddled together on the floor wrapped inside a sleeping bag. I was disappointed because nothing happened to quench my fleshly desires but we did kiss and the passion is still there. I guess my recent badness is still a sore point with Gee but I'm working on fixing things. The healing process may take long but I have hope as luckily for me Gee is a fair man who knows that deep down I'm not evil, I'm only human.

So last week after I passed the Village Market guess who called me? You won't believe it but it was partner in crime Lavish. She had come down to Nairobi for the Ce'cile show and she'd called me on Saturday morning saying she wanted to take me to the concert but I said no baby I've got to try fix my relationship and atone for my mistakes. Also I'm a coward who heeded the Police Commissioner’s warning about possible al Shabaab attacks where crowds are gathered. In fact my sixth sense tells me an event is imminent; not if, but when - so be extra vigilant especially where Westerners frequent. That said, sources tell me there was at least a platoon of armed GSU on standby at the Carnivore.

When Lavish called she said hi I'm at the hotel lying in bed naked drinking brandy and my body is on fire, I need you now. I said no Lavish please leave me alone and find someone else to put out those flames. Reader, please proceed with caution: Then she said I'm so wet touching myself, I need to feel you. She said I want you here now to cum and make a baby then I'll leave you alone. Of course everyone knows I enjoy sex and don’t buy that nimechill bullshit, but 'thou shall not engage in casual skin to skin' is my 11th Commandment. That's when I finally concluded that Lavish is a bit of a nutcase and not worth all the trouble. Before I switched my mobile off I said sorry but you want to bareback just like that?! WHAT WE HAD IS FINITO. You're crazier than even I can handle; baby you seriously need to see a doctor....

Kalonzo Musyoka has egg all over his face (I wish it was vomit)

Nationmedia are reporting that Kenya's bid to defer the ICC case against Kenya Ocampo Six (KeOS) is dead in the water as the US refuses to back VP Musyoka's representations. Welcome, though predictable news.

When the epitaph for Kenya's Vice President is written it should read: 'Here lies that backstabbing, snake-in-the-grass, hireling of bloodsucking vampires and poster child for impunity.'

Sent from my iPhone® wireless device

Overcoming minor Inconveniences

I'm still at the Stanley but now I'm at the Exchange Bar watching India vs Netherlands ICC 2011 Cricket World Cup live on Supersport. Because life is too short, I'm sorry but I refuse to let work get in the way of my leisure. BTW, if you're at work don't work too hard because it's rarely worth it!

Cheers, I blame the change in plans on all this wonderful sunshine that I see flooding in through the windows....

Halfway to success deserves a cold one

I'm feeling quite pleased with myself this lunchtime having crossed a milestone on the project we're working on. On a more personal note, George and I are taking baby steps towards getting our issues resolved.

So I've stopped by to have a Tusker malt lager (or two) at the Thorntree instead of lunch. And fuck the Mututho alcohol rules; they don't apply to top dogs like me, lol! My ulcers won't thank me though, more lol! xxx

Mouth-watering sights around Nairobi

I had lunch yesterday at Dormans on Mama Ngina Street. I prefer that cafe to Java which is always crowded and has long felt like a Mogadishu souk. I was served by Bernard who is very good looking, strong and black just the way I like my tea. He previously worked at the Junction branch where I'm sure he left many hearts broken. Lunch (see pic) was a delicious chilli burger topped with melted cheese and chillied fries that I smothered in ketchup. I also had a coke to cool my tongue because of all the chilli but I'd definitely recommend it especially at just ksh 500.

After lunch I still had some time to kill so I walked up towards the City Market enjoying the sunshine and checking out the beautiful people of Nairobi behind my dark shades. You'd never in a million years guess who I came across. Imagine coming face to face with UK TV presenter and heartthrob Reggie Yates casually strolling along Koinange Street! I couldn't believe my eyes and what a fine, fine sight (mmmm) he makes in real life. Dude was standing at least 6 foot tall in a tight t-shirt showing chiselled arms covered in beautiful tattoo ink. He was wearing what I'm reliably informed are jodhpurs (I want a pair NOW) and chunky fuck-me military boots. The hunk was also well accessorised with a monster SLR camera round his large right hand. Pure magic.

It's no secret that Nairobi is a playground of the rich and famous but this was still a big surprise. I tapped Reggie on the shoulder said hey, UK man, he turned, looked at me and -credit to him - he looked unflustered as he smiled and said 'wassup' back at me. Shame I wasn't quick enough to snap a pic. Take if from me it was still a pleasurable though brief encounter....

How to look half your age

Sheila remarked the other day, 'your skin is so soft; what's the secret?' As a gay man I pay more attention than your average woman to my looks. My daily regime includes a foaming cleanser, a base of sun protection factor 25 moisturiser and finally a thin mask of a re-hydrating moisturiser. Currently I find that Clinique products work best for me so I've deployed the full arsenal to my dressing table (see pic) with excellent results.

Previously I used Creme de la mer regularly (courtesy of Christmas, birthday, anniversary, fuckfest prezzies from a grateful ex, lol!). I still have half a tub left over sitting by my sink. However, even though it's very effective at hiding wrinkles there's no way I can justify the chunky price tag.