Kenya Minister jokes about HIV/Aids while people are dying

Esther Murugi, Special Programmes Minister, finds much hilarity and merriment when discussing what should be done to combat the scourge. Please don’t get her started about men who have sex with men and HIV. That will be a ROFLHOLCBF - rolling on the floor laughing hysterically out loud collecting bird feathers - moment. She's one of the more progressive albeit confused Kenyan politicians. Sample this from just three months ago.

Oh dear me, seems like she is the one who should be put in quarantine for foot in mouth.

Make this your new religion

Yesterday I met a young male friend who's also the stepson of a former colleague. It's a bit complicated because I once dated his mum but that was a long time ago. He was out with his girlfriend browsing through the foodcourt at the Village Market when we bumped into each other. Luckily for me I wasn’t looking too shabby, I was in my orange Aquascutum short sleeves and tight white tennis shorts which show off some of my assets. Of course with the mandatory Oakley shades. I said hey Eric, I haven't seen you in a while let's stop and catch a beer. We pulled up some seats and ordered a round. Eric's girl was having a glass of red. He introduced her to me, Sam this is the Tamaku I’ve been telling you about. I laughed and said hope most of it good and we shook hands.

So we chatted and I asked about Eric's parents. I particularly wanted to hear about his mum Kathleen, my ex. He said mum's doing fine her business even made it to Kenya Top 100 this year. I said cool, please do greet her for me. I was watching Eric and Samantha, the body language told me they were both madly in love (could be lust) and already doing it. I asked how long they'd been together and Sam looked at Eric and told me two weeks! Hmmm, I thought the honeymoon phase which means having sex four times a day just like the doses for Imodium when you've got acute diarrhea. They are both 18 and students at a city college.

Anyway we got carried away and before we knew it they had five drinks each, I patiently had a couple of bottles of mineral water because I was driving. Finally they got nearly cooked and finished the little money I had on me and I offered to give them a ride home. Sam sat in the front passenger's seat, her long thin fingers tapping on tight Guess jeans to sounds of P-Unit Kare. Then we listened to Lemar’s It’s Not That Easy...girl, I tried to get you off my mind, it's not that easy. It was only a short hop to Eric's parents' home where they both alighted. As I turned the car round something in the front passenger's footwell caught my eye. I reached down and picked up a packet of Postinor - that emergency contraceptive. It won’t stop diseases but it can cause women to have irregular bleeding and nausea. I knew this must have dropped from Sam's bag. I thought those two are definitely going to need this the way they're all over each other so I fished out my mobile and dialed Eric's number. He came back to the car quickly because they had only just gone through the gates. I said I think this belongs to Samantha. He took the packet of pills and gave me a shamefaced grin because years ago I'd had The Talk with him when his mum asked me to.

Last night before I drove off I looked straight Eric in the eye and said,'Son, you're just starting out in life. From tonight onwards better make it your religion to never go in without a skin!'

Go, Kenya Go!

I’m delighted with the news that Kenyans are now using over 15 million condoms per month up from 7 million. It's phenomenal considering George and I only got together last year and also after that scare about 'leaky' condoms in the market! By the way would it be fitting to name such a child 'Houdini'? Lol!

Seriously though, I just pray the statistics are to be believed because I haven’t seen anyone round our house rifling through the bins....

Second Chances

Two weeks ago I was busy with annual staff appraisals. I know many people I work with secretly loathe these rituals but they are an inevitable tool for touching base so we just get on with it. I had a copy of 101 Ways To Kill Your Boss by Graham Roumieu sitting idly on my desk which was a good ice-breaker. BTW check out what the genius Sunny Bindra thinks of these office games.

One of my colleagues, let’s call her Cathy because that’s not her real name, has been troubling me recently. Cathy has a first rate mind and her work is greatly admired by her peers. But lately she’s started acting out of character – missing deadlines, turning up for work under the influence and generally coming within inches of being shown the door.

Cathy is also very attractive and charming. You better believe it when a gay man says that. However this immensely talented woman is steadily gaining a reputation for being an easy lay. My colleague Sheila confided in me the other day that some clients now refer to Cathy as 'the Trampoline of Harambee Avenue'! Tragic considering this whispering campaign is happening behind her back and it’s the guys she’s changing weekly who are the culprits.

Anyway she walked into my office looking stunning as usual in a well-fitting pin-stripe business suit and tottering on black heels. I felt an unfamiliar twitch in my trousers but I quickly telepathed a sharp warning to my cock, If your dick causes you to sin then cut it off, from the scriptures or somewhere I can’t remember where I saw it written. Then I said please take a seat. I had my nasty-Tamaku speech all ready: Listen very carefully to what I’m about to say because I’ll only say it once. From now on you must come to work to do what is expected of you. That’s called Pride. Bring your own morale with you if that’s what you need to earn a living. Think of your career and the lovely cold hard cash that comes with it. If you think that’s too difficult then perhaps it’s time you reconsidered your future here. No ifs no buts.

But I didn’t, I just paused to think for a minute while stroking my sixteen greying beard hairs and asked, is there something troubling you?

That’s when she covered her face and started crying. I hate seeing any tears so I said I’m so sorry Cathy if something has upset you we can adjourn our meeting. But she composed herself quickly and told me that she was recently diagnosed with HIV! I ended the meeting there and then but we carried on talking for two hours. I said you need to take responsibility for your life because if you carry on like this you’ll surely find an early grave and it may not be the HIV. She said she had not found the courage to talk to anyone before so I said I’d put her in touch with some professionals who will help and she has nothing to fear but fear itself. We talked about lots of stuff that she wanted to talk about like plans for raising a family. I laughed in mock horror when she said that she’s looking for a guy but the good ones in Nairobi are all gay. I said loudly nooo! In my head I thought yeess!

Finally she left my office looking much brighter and more like her old self. Something tells me she’ll turn things around soon. I'm also praying that she does.

Not A Bed of Roses

HIV continues to wreak havoc in Sub-Saharan Africa more than in any other region of the world and it appears African males who have sex with men are particularly affected.

10 times higher HIV rates than in general male population according to a recent report.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/8158469.stm

For more on HIV check out Simon's blog on the situation in Kenya.

Blogger's appeal

My dear fellow bloggers and readers,

I have been following HIV in Kenya for a while now, as I am sure many of you have.

I write to you tonight in response to Simon’s most recent post where he has written asking for help to enable him to remain in Kenya where he wants to pursue voluntary interests primarily within the field of HIV prevention. Please visit his blog to offer your support and any help that you might be in a position to offer.

Can I just say that I blog for various reasons – mainly about mundane day-to-day happenings of my life (some say inconsequential, the jury's still out). Needless to say the work that Simon is engaged in affects the lives of a voiceless and vast multitude.

Thank you.

Queer Kenya

This article appeared in Makokha’s Memos column of yesterday’s Daily Nation.
I am cautiously excited to see these honest views expressed within the pages of a major newspaper. Let’s hope it heralds a new era in changing attitudes away from ignorance and hate.

Very apt given Simon Collery's article on how Homophobia and ‘Morality’ impact HIV.

Heroes of our time

This piece of important news was tucked away inside the Daily Nation last week. It goes to report that 15 million Kenyans do not know their HIV-status, despite millions of shillings spent on setting up voluntary counselling and testing centres (VCT) as well as the accompanying media campaigns. How ironic that this apathy may be the unintended outcome of message overload. I share the view that knowing one’s HIV status should be empowering regardless of the result.

On a happier note, I applaud the work done by Liverpool VCT who continue to provide an excellent standard of health care for men who have sex with men, alongside that given to the wider community. MSM sexual health needs are unique and Liverpool have risen superbly to meet these challenges. I’m mulling over the idea for some public acknowledgement from gay Kenyans in recognition of these immeasurable contributions that have been made under difficult conditions. Dear reader, please let me know any suggestions you may have.

I also came across this interesting chronicle on the virus’ journey that continues to threaten the futures of many Kenyans (we are not out of the woods yet); M the Kenyan gay blogger also bravely shares his personal account here.

Catholics, please help me out on this one

I am a little confused but more than a little angry. So the Pope says that distributing condoms will only exacerbate the crisis with Aids. I also appreciate and understand every one’s private choice when it comes to matters of sex. So how in God’s name does the Holy Father come to use his privileged reach to millions of Africans to spread a dubious interpretation on the science of condom use? I find it shocking that these views are putting at risk the work carried out painstakingly by medical professionals in the remotest clinics and the millions of shillings spent in the poorest of countries. No one is saying that condoms are the only weapon against transmission of HIV, but the facts are there that they are highly effective. I find it especially unpalatable to hear these opinions from those who have voluntarily taken vows of celibacy.

Please dear Catholics how do these views sit with your faith? Am I missing something here?